|
|
Expert
Posts: 2118
 
Location: The Heart of Space | Helloooooo and Bravoooooo Aquarius-you got the point of the post and asked the question. My answer is in today's day and age it matters a lot. Particularly when many are ready to crucify on the accuracy of information. One would think that in comedic enterprises it doesn't matter but just try to poke a little fun at Moe Hammid (the little known fifth member of the Three Stooges, who were actually four + Moe2); or ride the coattails of Hannibal Buress' rise to the top at the expense of calling Bill Cosby a rapist......OMG NO CAN BE TRUE......but turns out that out of the mouth of Huxtables comes truth. Humour, even slimmed down without a u, is not quite perceived the way "we (me?)" think it will be. BUT, I thought it was funny and I only brought up Feague 'cos there ain't no such place.......BUT, there will be now since it is on the Internet. And, you will see home pages for Feague's founding mithers and fithers who came to Kentucky to grow Bourbon and drink Blue Grass and raise tall Fescues. OMG-Georgie Orwell was spot on!
Paulio, I have been pleading with Aqua to give us an opt-out of the "we are all young gods in the making" and I plead the same to Nietzsche. Let me be perfectly clear on this and quite serious.....I do not want (and if you all knew him you would unanimously agree) Nathan Nuddleman to be a god.....he would be a total disaster as a god......he would knock something over and make the entire universe disappear....he is DITZY! In Cuba they are all ready carrying signs "CUBA SI NATHAN NO!"
Lastly, here we all are again......me, Aqua, Paul and Officialus.....is this serendipity or what?
As the Pope, Bishop of Rome, Italy says:
Pizza be with you!
Marty and LuckyLee |
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
  
Location: United Kingdom | mruppert - 7/10/2015 12:36 AM . . . here we all are again......me, Aqua, Paul and Officialus.....is this serendipity or what. . . ? 'Ee by gum, Nellie, so we are! That's fair grand!' That's what they would say in my neck of the woods, if they knew of it - whoever 'they' may be. In fifty years of hearing them - almost exactly to the day - I have grown to love hearing their voices.
With love, as ever - Aquarius 
* * *
Edited by Aquarius 7/10/2015 10:05 AM
|
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 2118
Location: The Heart of Space | Indeed, Aqua!
But folks, come on........if I want to have a conversation with Aqua I could do so in a tea shoppee.
There must be some viewers of these posts that have some comments????????
Hugs and XXXX's Aqua,
I always will love you,
Martin and LuckyLee |
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Computers Versus Cars
This is dedicated to all those who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers are enhancing our lives.
At a recent computer expo COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the car industry and stated: ‘If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that achieved 1,000 miles to the gallon.’
In response to this, Ford has issued the following press release:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash – sometimes on several occasions each day.
2. Every time the lines in the road were repainted, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and re-open the windows before you could continue. And yet, for some unknown reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Microsoft would make a car powered by the Sun, very reliable and five times as fast and twice as easy to drive. Alas, it would run on only five percent of our roads.
6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning signal.
7. The airbag system would ask: ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would be operating in the same manner as in the old car.
10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.
P.S. When all else fails, you could call ‘customer service’ in some foreign country call centre who would instruct you how to fix the car yourself in English spoken with such a strong foreign accent that it would be almost impossible to understand what the person on the other end of the line was saying.
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | A Note Of Thank You
Dear Friends,
Just a quick note to thank all of you for the many educational e-mails I received over the past year. As a result, I am totally screwed up and have little chance of recovery. That's why:
I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public restroom.
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
And I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 Angels looking out for me and St Theresa’s Novena is granting me every wish.
I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered when I forward some of my e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car, to make sure no serial killer crawls in the back seat when I’m filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy cookies from Woollies since I now have their recipe. A good job too because they’ve gone bust.
Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician.
By the way, a German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother to take it off now, it’s too late.
P.S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that germs can splash over six feet from out of the toilet.
Have an exceptionally good day and a healthy life.
* * *
Edited by Aquarius 7/25/2015 6:45 AM
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Simon’s motor mower had broken down. His wife, Maria, kept dropping hints about getting it fixed before the grass grew too tall. But the message wasn’t getting through. Simon kept procrastinating and putting off the repair of the mower.
In her frustration Maria one day thought she’d had a clever idea for making her point. When Simon arrived home from work, Maria was sitting on the lawn and clipping it by hand with a tiny pair of scissors.
Simon watched her silently for a few minutes. Then he went into the house and after a few minutes he appeared with a toothbrush in his hand. Giving it to Maria, he said: ‘When you’ve finished cutting the grass, how about sweeping the sidewalk?’
* * * |
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | The Tale Of The Hot Air Balloon
A woman travelling in a hot air balloon realised she was lost. Reducing altitude, she spotted a man below. So she descended a bit more and shouted: ‘Excuse me, can you please help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.’
The man replied: ‘You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.’
‘You must be an Engineer,’ said the balloonist.
‘I am,’ came the reply, ‘but how did you know?’
‘Well,’ the woman answered, ‘everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is that I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip by your talk.’
The man responded with: ‘You must be in Management.’
‘I am,’ replied the balloonist, ‘but how did you know that?’
‘Well,’ said the man, ‘you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. In fact, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met. The only difference is that now it’s somehow become all my fault.’
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | An Evening Out
We had decided to go out for a dinner and theatre evening. When we were dressed and ready to leave the house, we turned on a ‘night light’, switched on the answering machine, covered our pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. Then we phoned a local taxi company to ask for a cab. Within minutes it arrived. Alas, as soon as we opened the front door to leave, the cat slipped back in.
We didn’t want to leave her on her own in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot. So my wife walked to the taxi and I nipped back into the house to get the cat. Like the wind she raced up the stairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife did not want anyone to know that our house would be empty for the night, so she told the driver that I would be joining them in a moment and that I was just saying good-bye to her mother.
A few minutes later, I got into the cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked, so I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard. She’d better not muck up the vegetable garden again!’
The silence in the taxi was deafening.
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Words
Pythagoras’ theorem – 24 words.
Lord’s Prayer – 66 words.
Archimedes’ Principle – 67 words.
10 Commandments – 179 words.
Gettysburg address – 286 words.
US Declaration of Independence – 1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments – 7,818 words.
EU regulations on the sale of cabbage – 26,911 words. * * *
Edited by Aquarius 8/27/2015 2:29 PM
|
|
| |
|
PhD Alumni
Posts: 4414
Location: United Kingdom | God's name, when asked of the Divine by Abraham:
I AM
(two words)
.................................................... |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 2118
Location: The Heart of Space | Three symbols (or letters if one prefers) of the trinity.....God the FATHER, God the SON and God the HOLY GHOST |
|
| |
|
PhD Alumni
Posts: 4414
Location: United Kingdom | AUM ..... |
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | mruppert - 8/28/2015 5:24 AM Three symbols (or letters if one prefers) of the trinity.....God the FATHER, God the SON and God the HOLY GHOST Or, the way I perceive the Holy Trinity: The Great White Spirit, Father/Mother of all life, and their only born Son, the great Light and the Sun of all Suns behind the Sun in the sky above us. May they always be with us and keep us and our world safe.
With love - Aquarius * * *
|
|
| |
|
PhD Alumni
Posts: 4414
Location: United Kingdom | Hi Aquarius
That was one of the reasons that I was attracted to Andean spirituality when I visited Peru ... their idea of their divinity Viracocha as the great divine sun behind the sun (if I understood their indigenous pre-Columbian/pre-Christian cosmology correctly) seemed at root to link to and integrate our Northern Hemisphere spiritualities intriguingly.
Love
Paul
Edited by Paul Joseph 8/28/2015 7:22 AM
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Facebook – In Real Life
Dedicated to those of my older generation who do not really comprehend why Facebook exists.
Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.
Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night.
Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool.
I also listen to their conversations and, I tell them I love them and, it works! I already have 6 people following me:
2 police officers,
1 psychiatrist,
And a staff of 3 from the local Insane Asylum’s Ambulance-Capture-Crew.
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Paul Joseph - 8/28/2015 1:20 PM Hi Aquarius That was one of the reasons that I was attracted to Andean spirituality when I visited Peru ... their idea of their divinity Viracocha as the great divine sun behind the sun (if I understood their indigenous pre-Columbian/pre-Christian cosmology correctly) seemed at root to link to and integrate our Northern Hemisphere spiritualities intriguingly. Love Paul Dear Paul – an interesting observation, but it does not surprise me. I believe that all the myths and legends that ever appeared in our world have been interconnected and basically telling us the same story. To get an idea of how step by step one has been leading to the other, you might like to read my recently updated interpretation of:
‘The Labours Of Hercules’
Please allow a moment for the file to load.
With love – Aquarius
* * *
Edited by Aquarius 8/29/2015 6:28 AM
|
|
| |
|
Forum Administrator
Posts: 462
| Indeed the Labours of Hercules are the travails of each one of us in this world. |
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | A Case Of Mistaken Identity
An elderly gentleman was walking down a road, carrying a length of 2" by 1" timber over his shoulder, to make his wife a clothes prop.
A little boy came past him and asked: ‘Are you a Pole-vaulter?’
‘No, young man,’ replied the man. ‘I am German, but how did you know my name is Walter?’
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Ophiucus - 8/30/2015 8:42 PM Indeed the Labours of Hercules are the travails of each one of us in this world. How right you are, dear Ophiucus. The following three items relate to and are concerned with the theme of these labours. They are best read in the sequence shown below, as one follows on from the other.
1) ‘Flying Into The Freedom Of The Aquarian Age’
2) ‘The Labours Of Hercules’
3) ‘Flying On Eagle’s Wings’ With love - Aquarius * * *
Edited by Aquarius 8/31/2015 8:02 AM
|
|
| |
|
PhD Alumni
Posts: 1882
Location: NE Ohio | I feel all perspectives lead us to where we each want to go. That is the nice thing about freedom of religious beliefs. I have no use for many of them, and great use for many combined.
Make it what you want... and let your light SHINE! 
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | Supernatural3 - 9/4/2015 12:40 AM I feel all perspectives lead us to where we each want to go. That is the nice thing about freedom of religious beliefs. I have no use for many of them, and great use for many combined. Make it what you want... and let your light SHINE! Dear Jill, It's good to hear from you again. I just couldn’t agree more with what you are saying and would like to share the following with you on this theme:
If you wish to find the nuggets of genuine wisdom that are buried in all the belief systems your world has ever known, call upon Me. I am your inner guidance and the living God within, waiting to be called upon to help you train your earthly minds and to teach you its wise use, so in future you will never again fall prey to false beliefs, prejudices and superstitions. I am the only one in the whole of Creation who can and does reliably tell you truths from untruths and false beliefs from true ones.
Take possession of the tool this places into everyone’s own hands, as the time has come for treating each one of the remaining old faiths of your world like a cake. I am ready and waiting to show all of you how to recognise and extract the raisins and cherries of truth each one of them contains. Your task as aspiring lightbringers and healers consists of keeping and conserving their best, that which is true and of value for all humankind. The rest needs to be discarded. Through gathering and joining together the manifold treasures you are going to find in this way, you and I together are lovingly baking a rich new cake that is of such wealth of My spiritual wisdom and truth as thus far has been unknown in earthly life. Getting their hands on their very own portion of this delicacy is every soul’s birthright.
As young Gods in the making, because of life’s oneness on the inner plane, growth by any one of you can only be achieved through constantly interacting with the rest of life. My Cosmic law of evolution decrees that no individual soul in the whole of Creation shall grow and evolve in isolation, and that every part of life forever shall depend upon all others for its survival and wellbeing, or otherwise. Event though on the surface of things you may like to think of yourself as an independent being, you are still reliant upon millions of others on many different levels of life, from the highest to the lowest. They are constantly influencing you in everything you say and do, as much as you are influencing them.
From ‘Baking A Rich New Cake’ ‘The Universal Christ Now Speaks To Us And Our World’
With love - Aquarius
Edited by Aquarius 9/5/2015 7:36 AM
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | A woman goes back to work after thirty years.
To see what happens to her, please follow the link below:
‘Back To Work’
As the video is only four seconds long, watch carefully!
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | On The Death Of A Good Friend
Dear Friends,
We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were lost long ago in a mass of bureaucratic red tape. However, he will be remembered for a very long time for once having taught our world some extremely valuable lessons. Among them were:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain.
Why it is that the early bird gets the worm.
That only on the surface of things life isn’t always fair.
Sometimes thinking: ‘Maybe it was all my fault, after all!’
Common Sense lived by simple and sound financial policies, like don’t spend more than you earn, and had reliable strategies, like adults and not children are in charge.
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations appeared, for example:
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate. Teenagers were suspended from school for using a mouthwash after lunch.
A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. He lost some more of his ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do by disciplining their unruly children. He declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student, yet could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and asked for an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live when churches turned into businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
He took another beating when he heard that you couldn’t defend yourself against a burglar in your own home and if you defended yourself, burglars could sue you for assault.
He finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot and when she spilt a bit of it in her lap, she was awarded a huge compensation settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by:
His parents: Truth and Trust
His wife: Discretion
His daughter: Responsibility
His son: Reason
He is survived by his four stepbrothers:
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m a Victim
Not many attended Common Sense’s funeral because very few realised that he had gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
* * *
|
|
| |
|
UMS Guest
Posts: 1938
Location: United Kingdom | The British Penny
European Union Directive No. 456179
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the expression:
‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31 May 2015.
From this date onward the correct term will be: ‘Euronating’.
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
If you have any questions, just give me a tinkle.
* * *
The British Penny
European Union Directive No. 456179
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the expression:
‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31 May 2015.
From this date onward the correct term will be: ‘Euronating’.
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
If you have any questions, just give me a tinkle.
* * * The British Penny
European Union Directive No. 456179
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the expression:
‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31 May 2015.
From this date onward the correct term will be: ‘Euronating’.
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
If you have any questions, just give me a tinkle.
* * *
The British Penny
European Union Directive No. 456179
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the expression:
‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31 May 2015.
From this date onward the correct term will be: ‘Euronating’.
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
If you have any questions, just give me a tinkle.
* * *
The British Penny
European Union Directive No. 456179
In order to bring about further integration with the single European currency, the Euro, all citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland must be made aware that the expression:
‘Spending a Penny’ is not to be used after 31 May 2015.
From this date onward the correct term will be: ‘Euronating’.
It is hoped that this will be a great relief to everyone.
If you have any questions, just give me a tinkle.
* * *
|
|
| |
|
PhD Alumni
Posts: 4414
Location: United Kingdom | deaar A
sorry was too preoccupied raising a glass or more than 2 to our dear old Queen hereabouts in the UK ... longest serving monarch and even the Germans refer to her in their dictionary, according to DC today, as 'the Queen' [there is only one ....]
Great speeches in today'sParilament by both DC and HH
Mazel Tov
Paulo Pablo and don Quixote as I once and future was known by herabouts .... [in those halcyon days of Sunflower, Marty, NE, Lori, Stillness, FF, Leo, Tracy, Cara, DocJ and any1 else may have forgotten if so please forgive, one always needs more thsan as much forgiveness as can be given ...]
Namaste |
|
| |
Don't Take It All Too Seriously!
