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Can't Go On Anymore!
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mruppert
Posted 9/18/2008 11:30 PM (#10304)
Subject: Can't Go On Anymore!



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I am sure many of us have desparate times and times of desperation. I am also sure that there is something that keeps us all going, through thick and thin.

It would be really nice if we typed out some story of desperation and what kept us going.

I would start us off but it would occupy so many pages that I might "monopolize" the site, so it is up to you! I will tell you this, without the love, need, and caring of some silly cats of many names over the years, I (the person whom you know as Marty)   would not be on this site.

This sounds stupid to most....but they are MY CHILDREN....and I am bound to care for them. Which means that I must be physically able to care for them. That is now a very questionable proposition.

But my love for them is strong, and what gives me the most pleasure in the world, is their love for me. Nothing in the world like the sensation of a paw on your eyelid in the morning.....like a lover's kiss.....gently waking you up.....knowing all the time that the retracted claw can rip your eyeball from the socket with great ease. Gentle, Beautiful and Gracefull....how the World at large should be!

Peace,

Marty and my girlies....each and everyone of you know them! 

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Supernatural3
Posted 9/19/2008 6:32 AM (#10307 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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I don't think you are any different than the rest of us. While it wasn't cats that kept me going (Ahhh chew), it was my children. I just couldn't leave them to this world with out my love and support. Trust me, there were times that it would have been so easy just to chuck it all and get out of dodge. However; I knew that my little girls needed their momma. Their father was emotionless and would never supply that emotional nourishment. So I can relate, it was they... that kept me going. I am sure I could be very close to animals too, if my allergies would allow me to live through it. Losing my beloved schmo-dawg is still rough on me to this day.

 


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Tracy Martin
Posted 9/19/2008 9:02 PM (#10311 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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I Go On because I am:

...Learning not to believe that every thought, story, and judgment that comes into my head is the truth of who I really am.

...Trusting in a place within me that lives beyond the pain.

...Realizing that I am feeling temporarily disconnected with my essential energy, and this will pass.

...Becoming a compassionate friend to myself

...Giving God/Goddess/the Universe acknowledgment.

...Finding and expressing gratitude.

...Using whatever tools (books, counselors, good company, herbs, crystals, meditations, medicines, food, energy work, body work, etc.) come my way to raise my emotional tone and exercise positive thinking. Keeping my eyes and mind open to these tools. Usually if it is a good idea I will have a confirmation, a 'witness' to the idea to take action and use the tool.

...Listening to my friends, family, and all the wise, healing, nurturing  counsel that comes to me.

...Opening my battered and bruised heart to love and be loved.

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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/20/2008 4:56 AM (#10312 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Have been lying low a few days in case I have been monopolizing the site .... But wanted to respond to your vulnerable post Marty. Just to say, I think each of our individual despairing is unique ... uniquely felt and uniquely experienced. What helps/has helped me? Reflected long on a variety of answers. Then awoke this morning with the sense that what keeps me going is the realization that both the darkness and the light are illusion. Even, the concept of illusion is illusion. Or that may be the only thing that is not
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Rose
Posted 9/20/2008 12:05 PM (#10321 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Oh Yes Marty! My gardening, pets and UMS keep me going. The meditations help to get me through some turbulent emotional times. It reminds me to focus on the spirit.

We are with you Marty! Animals have so much to teach us...you love your furballs and I know they love you too!
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Rose
Posted 9/20/2008 12:08 PM (#10322 - in reply to #10312)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Monopolize! Go on and Monopolize!

It's the one place where we're free to have a legal monopoly, right here. I like reading all of your posts and never truly think of who's monopolizing...some have more to say than others and that's the beauty of it all!

So monopolize away! Be free Pauly Bird and spread your wings.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/20/2008 12:23 PM (#10326 - in reply to #10322)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Very nice of you that, reassuring Rose, will keep rambling on ... since you ask me so nicely ... wings keep spreading here a little longer xxx
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RedQueenGenesis
Posted 9/20/2008 12:35 PM (#10331 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: Remembering to change the way I think!



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I am very sensitive to what seems like everything: energy, foods, medications, allergies, etc. Over the years I have dealt with horrific phases of depression, and thanks to western medicine, medically-induced psychosis. I was there, a small wisp of soul inside the mostly hollow shell of my body. The emotions overwhelmed me and were driving my life into the ground. I am truly not proud of this, but... I used to be a cutter. It was a terrible time for me when I was doing that. I felt as though abusing myself was the only way to feel any better in stressful situations. Strange logic I know, but the endorphin rush was what I was looking for...

Many people go through depression and come out the other side without such permanent physical representations of that point in their lives. I could let this bring me down, I could simply sit here and be ashamed of what I did to my body. However, I choose to transmute the situation. I could let these scars be a symbol of a time when I felt very weak, or I can choose to let them be symbols of my incredible personal triumph over depression. After all... I am very happy now. Over the years the scars have faded, I've used every remedy in the book to try to "make them go away". Now they look like very thin stretch marks and no one notices them. I notice them however... and I choose to let it be a source of personal power as to what I have accomplished and overcome.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/20/2008 12:40 PM (#10332 - in reply to #10331)
Subject: RE: Remembering to change the way I think!



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Namaste, RedQueenGenesis x

Sorry if I now go too far, but since you have placed this on public view, as it were, I have some resonance to the ancient cave scratchings that we mentioned before; and so a question/interpretation as to whether the cutting was a repressed memory of past lives in those dark caves, as a prehistoric artist, that that was your waynow of remembering, of clawing and scratching your way to the Light ? (not too late to edit/delete this post if you feel I go too far)
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RedQueenGenesis
Posted 9/20/2008 1:14 PM (#10339 - in reply to #10332)
Subject: RE: Remembering to change the way I think!



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You're not going too far... past lives really interest me... however I'm afraid I'm not sure what you are talking about.... :-/
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NothingEverything
Posted 9/20/2008 1:21 PM (#10342 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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What about this "time"?
Here we are right here, right now.
Nothing to measure.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/20/2008 1:27 PM (#10349 - in reply to #10339)
Subject: RE: Remembering to change the way I think!



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Didn't I make some association before to prehistoric cave drawings, Lascieuex, etc, and your art ? Maybe not. Sorry if I confuse.

NE is right.

The only time is Now.

And for me, that means, Log off !

xx
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RedQueenGenesis
Posted 9/20/2008 1:51 PM (#10352 - in reply to #10349)
Subject: RE: Remembering to change the way I think!



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oh yes... perhaps i should delve into some research on that
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Supernatural3
Posted 9/20/2008 1:57 PM (#10353 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Paul does make a very valid point. Past lives can carry very strong emotions, and things we experienced in a past life can very much subconsciously still play out. This normally ends up with fears or phobias. This also can trigger behavior that is considered different.

This doesn't mean that all behavior comes from past lives at all. Its just been strangely coincidental of past lives that have been figured out under hypnosis, strangely enough, many case studies have been very successful in correcting the problem, after uncovering the issue's cause.

Worth looking into~
Blessings~
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sunflower
Posted 9/27/2008 8:17 AM (#10464 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!


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mr muppet,my love i send to you,sincerely, through my lifetime iv,e been through many trials,and tribulations,as do we all,i,ve encountered violence,trauma,bereavement,so much more,and i thought about your question,i,m still here,sometimes i have definately not wanted to be,i wanted to go to sleep forever,not to go on about it,but to say,after much thought,the love of my children,my pets,etc,at one time didn,t seem toplay a part in it,grief is selfish,we forget,we choosenot to think,so i would saymost definately,the thing that has kept me going is that inner light,no matter how small the flickering flame,sometimes subconcious,has pulled me through,silent invisible angels by my side,holding me up,making sure that flame still flickered,i didn,t realise it at the time,but looking back,and even now,their love,and the divine universal love,has always been by my side,sounds corny,maybe,but without a doubt,absolutely true,love irisx
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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/27/2008 1:01 PM (#10472 - in reply to #10464)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Hello again Sunflower
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sunflower
Posted 9/28/2008 4:02 AM (#10481 - in reply to #10472)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!


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hello again paul,irisx
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Astarannym
Posted 9/29/2008 8:56 PM (#10515 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!


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There have been many very challenging events and transitions in my living work. At times I have no idea how to go on, and in retrospect, no idea how I did go on through some of the challenges.

In addition to the well known reasons to go on, children, spouse, parents, pets, God, and others, I have found that the most important thing to keep aware of is that you (we) are unique and beautiful expressions of [God's] creativity. We are perfect, complete, and intentional beings. Our 'power' is that of the divine. It is in our darkest moments that we are surrounded by the most light. Stand in front of a sunlit window - go ahead, with your back to the window, take a photo of yourself in this position. You will find that although you may appear to be dark, the light is what 'drowns' you out. Translate this anyway you want, whether it be with the footprints Christian poem, or any other 'parable'. Use this image as a reminder that, even when you do not appear to be in light indeed you always are. You are always bathed in love, unconditional abundant love!

It is yet a fleeting glimpse... every moment an opportunity to embrace this living experience. No matter what is happening, there is always at least one thing to be grateful for, and so express this gratitude with joy. There is work to be done, joyful work.

What does it mean to 'go on' anyway? does it mean persevering through a difficult time, does it mean continuing with the same vision, or goal, or condition? Does it mean letting go of some old habitual condition that no longer feels conducive to your highest good? Is it about finishing this course or some other project that was started? What would happen if we chose not to continue on? What would be the worst possible consequence to letting go of some self imposed expectation. Perhaps it is time to say "hey, I really don't need this!, and its ok, no its GREAT!"

OR does it mean you are tired of being alive, tired of the day to day grind, the victimhood of seeming separation from 'home', the sense of isolation and abandon? If this is what it means to not go on any longer, perhaps it is time to let go of the expectation that life should look or feel or be a certain way in order for it to be worth living. perhaps it is time to understand that you are not your body, mind, personhood. Yet you are here, having this amazing experience on this beautiful planet called Earth, and so, focus on that aspect of the journey - the presence, the nature of Earth, and know that it is, again, a fleeting moment in the grandiosity of your spirit. Embrace it while you are here, in all of its passion and allow Earth to entertain you while you find your connection to your true self.

NOW, go on.
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NothingEverything
Posted 9/29/2008 11:58 PM (#10519 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Amazing.

Edited by NothingEverything 9/30/2008 12:01 AM
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Paul Joseph
Posted 9/30/2008 4:02 AM (#10526 - in reply to #10515)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Yes
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Louise
Posted 10/1/2008 8:36 PM (#10621 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Times of desperation is the dark night of the soul - its the night before the dawn so to speak. When I said I can't go on any more, I was fed up with myself with trying to control the outcome - thinking that if I asked God, a miracle would be delivered. If some of you have read my earlier posts, you'll know what I'm talking about - but actually I'm getting quite fed up with listening to myself on that subject so I think I'm out of on otherside...Marty - in the sacred-texts thread I mentioned the influence of the 9 in your birthdate - which is the dark night of the soul - one day, you might want to share some of your experiences.
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Supernatural3
Posted 10/2/2008 3:08 AM (#10631 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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I have often (in the past) actually pushed loved one's away, as if they were too good for me. Sometimes I used to get feelings of being worthless and felt like I would be a drag on them, so I rejected them. I actually feel like this was doing them a favor. I then realized that treating others like that is not being fair to them. They obviously like being around me or they wouldn't be there. I had to learn to like myself, so I could allow others to like me, or I would reject them.
When it gets real bad, you want to reject life too. Doing EVERYONE a favor and leaving earth plane. It's not uncommon unfortunately...... This is called depression. I have experienced a lot of it. 

Thankfully, with metaphysics and my chosen spirituality I have not felt this way for some time now. I can seriously relate to those who do though. It sucks not to like yourself. It's not fair for someone else to have to like you for both of you either.

Several years ago, I decided to be a person I can like, or even better.... love who I choose to be. Next thing I knew, I also started attracting others like me in my life. I actually found one who really loves me, for me. All I can say is... if I can do it, everyone can.

One should let the inner glow shine outward.... which lights up the path for another to see your glowing radiance and happiness.
 
I don't ever want to feel like I used to again and Thanks to this school, I won't.

HUGS
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Supernatural3
Posted 10/2/2008 3:14 AM (#10632 - in reply to #10304)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Oh yeah, I am also the 11. Good ol double 1, which also shows in my name "ll". Don't know if that is a coincidence. Doubt it.

One last thing.... my baby is getting married to a boy,  who's name is the EXACT name that I would have named my baby, if she would have been a boy. How weird is that. I also told my daughter years ago, that she would married a boy with that name. It was in a dream I had. It is so strange to know the future years in advance. You don't quite believe it.... then the jaw drops, because you already stated it..... and it happens.

Now, did it happen, because I stated it? Are we in the Matrix? LOL

I swear I didn't swallow the red pill..... o.0



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Paul Joseph
Posted 10/2/2008 4:04 AM (#10635 - in reply to #10632)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Congratulations then Jill.

Hello Louise ... have you read much about the Via Negativa ? Sorry for those who don;t like me doing the 'book' thing, but I can jsutify & rationalise later if you wish - just 'cos you may then know, but if not, that the Dark Night comes from St John of the Cross, St Juan de la Cruz, and there is a whole msytical school, resonating I feel with Zen but also, Meister Eckhart, St Theresa ('All the way to Heaven is Heaven' of hers is one of my favourite quotes ...

... my feel on the Via Negativa, the negative Path, is to do with the emptying of self, soul and everthing, to become Nothing, at which point, we are able to be filled with the true light of the source and Divine.

Meister Eckhart: 'to be full of things is to be empty of God; to be empty of things is to be full of God'

I love it, but it is not the easiest of ways, to say the least .... x
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Louise
Posted 10/2/2008 3:25 PM (#10669 - in reply to #10635)
Subject: RE: Can't Go On Anymore!



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Great Gill - two doorways to the higher realm - fantastic! Gill as a sum is a grounded name - which I find is quite a blessing when the 11 is present because some people find it very hard to channel the inspiration when they are not grounded and connected to the earth - it's like receiving bolts of lightning, but no-where to channel the power.

Hey Paul! Very interesting, no I haven't heard of Via Negativa - although I just did a quick google - very interesting, I'll do some digging. An interesting concept that we cannot know what something is, unless we know what something isn't - we cannot feel connected with God, unless we have been disconnected perhaps..I've heard the reference to the dark night of the soul in many places but never thought about its origin - something I use in numerology quite a bit. I personally refer to it as "walking the valley of the shadow of death". Also, I enjoyed Thomas Moore's books - Dark Nights of the Soul, and Care of the Soul.
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