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alpha+omega
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25362 - in reply to #25359)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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In that case, take a couple Apple Leaves an' call me in AM lulz Beware the insecticide risk if from edible apple trees. The ones with live bugs on them and washing before eating... May be OK. PRN, Stat, and check in when the bugs start crawling out of you.

If you have guts, try a whole salad, but it may make you a little queasy when it hits home those things have been in you for years. I smoke, and they do not like my vital organs so they steer around them. Wal Mart has olive leaf extract which is ok, but not as powerful as the Apple which is big iron. It is also compatible with Seroquel. It boosted the anti-depressant effect for me to the point where I was getting a little TOO Anti-Depressed , so cut 'em back a notch a couple weeks in or so...

Anyawys, how many sawbones Workin' For The Weak End u got there? lulz

If you got an ounce of Psi left in ya, your Ticks will thank you profusely for  the Upgrade to Da Loo ! lol Trust me... It's no Fantasy , and I'm Not A Doctor! ™ Who Knew ?

Anyways, enough o' dat sappy shzt... I am an Udo fan lulz But back to work at MIT ... No rest for the Tick-ed

Get it ? Yet?

.



Edited by alpha+omega 8/15/2014 6:45 PM
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alpha+omega
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25365 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Tick Talk Times Special Weakend  Edition

The Story of General E. Boring, RCAF, USAF Ret. s


Edit Delete

Evander Aloyace "Ace" Boring was born a bastard that fateful day, December 13, 1913. The only way things could have been worse was if there were 13 months in the year, and he were born a month late. Shortly afterwards, uncannily like the circumstances of A+O (α+ω's) birth, He was to be left on the doorstep of the local Orphanage, Our Holy Mother of Gaud, in Seattle, WA,  with little more than the message pinned to his little crib an' swaddling clothes, "Please look after this lil' Bastard. <3, His Mom." No one would ever guess that from these tragic and heart rending pitiful beginnings, this little Engineering Bastard would build an empire in the newly forged industry of Manned Air and Space Flight, rivalling any on the Planet. Engineering? We can only assume it was meant to be... "When it came to anything with building planes out of anything from aluminum and stainless steel to snot rags and toothpicks, Ace had learned to do so much with so little for so long he was eminently qualified to do anything with nuthin'!," stated editor Etoin Shrdlu, and with more than a hint of a great irreverance in his voice, at the Roast and dedication of Ace's latest venture, The Boring L6L Mk. 1.

"Yeah, I suppose the Artsies will make up some bullshzt story about it" continued Shrdlu, referring to  http://www.boeing.com/boeing/Features/2014/08/corp_redbarn_heritage... , "But I've known about Boring since I was shzttin' yellow!" Indeed, any Boring landing was a good one they thought, and if they find the plane, bonus; Sweeeet!

 The Red Boring Barn

Well, eventually word got around, either by word of mouth or Darwinian happenstance, that Boring landings were indeed the best, and eventually Boring crushed even the more exciting competition  from the likes of Curtiss-Wrong™, Law+Keyed-Martin™, and McDunno-Dugless™ in the Aerospace Industry. Since those days in the old Red Boring Barn, Boring has branched out to include everything from moonrockets to Clowe-Snuff™ inertial navigation systems for ICBM's. Even Boring's peers sang His praises. "When I thought I had done something really good, it turns out that that old Boring sonofabztch had already done it better!" opined his old poker and smoker pal General Ty Nammix™, having served God and Country with Ace through multiple tough times.

Boring L6L And Rightly so...

"With the imminent launch of the L6L, we are poised to Take Boring to new levels!" explained Michael V. Baker, J.A.F.E. , Notorious Test E-Pilot, and Project Manager of Boring's new products division "With comfortable seating of up to 2,000,000 in the basic configuration, up to 42,000,000 in the Economy carrier "Czar Dean" version, and the ability to transport entire planets in the overhead juggage racks, it'll Knock the Artsies dead... Sure teach 'em to NEVAH fzck with the Engineers again anyways! It'll truly be 'the shzt heard 'round the Wurld' if not the Whole fzckin' Universe!" he beamed as he readied the AERA Spacecraft for a last walk around which could conceivably take a long time as it was a tinch larger than Redmond, Sea-Tac, Victoria, and Vancouver put together.

Takes a lickin' & keeps on Tickin' 

"Anyways, Time's tickin, gotta go" Mike explained as he continued the walk-around for the maiden voyage . "There's No Rest for the Tick-Ed." Indeed there was not due to the entropic nature of his very existence. "I Stink, therefore I am!" explained the little stinker, "But the governments of Alberta and B.C. in their combined wisdom denied my existence through a doppleganger paradox fzck-up/down where they mis-spelled my name on my Alberta Birth Certificate. In short, they created the longest worst nightmare and best of both worlds that they will have time to solve in the infinitely patient/impatient Hell that also exists from their hubris." Also indeed he could now Marry Himself and receive double pension and government benefits if he wanted to. "Nahh, I'm too ugly," he explained, "Plus I wouldn't pizz on those bureaucratically crippled shztheads if they were on fire, which I think they are now. It's Divine Justice indeed for those begging for it too." Well. allefty/righty then as Jim Carrey would eventually come to say.

When asked for comments on this hit piece, MIT Engineer Tom Scholz, notorious leader of the band of angels known as "Boston ,"  exclaimed, "Jesus, We ain't no Angels!" creating yet another paradox that further compounded the Greatest Fzck-Up/Down of all Time. "The thing I find most intriguing about the L6L is that it runs on bullshzt, which is shrewdly environmental, yet infinite in it(')s very nature!" Mike added, ""When I storyboarded the L6L, that was important. We needed it to run on something that would never end, and by all accounts, we had no shortage of. Then there was budget. We had no budget. So I found some constipated accountants," He explained, "And they could simply work it out with their pencils! To say that Management was pleased would be the Understatement of All Time." Using finely crafted techniques from his AERA bag of tricks, he also had to make the L6L compatible for a Universal Expansion of Ebay, and so it could hold near infinite amounts of fake guitars, Rolex's with two "LL's" in them, and rubber dogshzt from China.

Get the Spanish Pun? lulz

 "That was somewhat important - Making the L6L a true multi-purpose vehicle at the flick of a switch. This would also make Unions, Administration, and Management obsolete in an Aikido move pitting them in a 3 way Mother of all Battles to the death against each other somewhere way outta the picture so the Engineers could finally get something done. Then I threw a veritable Wermacht of a Safety Nazi Department at 'em. I haven't heard from them since."

So what about H.R.? Mike went on, "HR was a huge problem for us, only having one Human amongst the whole God darned lot of us, so I outsourced to alien species. Ticks were instrumental in getting this done like dinner. They were all too happy to help as this was infinitely better than being trapped in some azzhole since John Glenn inadvertently gave them, the so called intelligent "Fireflies," the way to get the first bunch inside the atmosphere and around the whole burning up in the atmosphere glitch." The Ticks actually said they hitched a ride on the Bell X2 High Altitude rocket plane flights as well, along with several experimental hydrogen balloons, since the early 50's. Chick Yeager was the First Tick and indeed did have the Left Stuff as it would become to be known in Baker's esoteric vocabulary. What took so long? "Chuck Norris did in fact build Rome in a day. He was busy though."

I <3 Can Add, Huh?
 

What about Canada, and their totally bloated bureaucratic nightmare of a government? Won't they doth protest that you used Americans... err... Aliens? "Don't worry about those shztheads. I fixed their wagons, and what did I get in return? So I made a few modifications to their, umm, structure! They'll be busy for eternity undoing THAT one! lulz" Indeed the dumbazzes... See? It's catching!... had not yet figured out that borders were a huge scam devised by banks since Rothschild was a Bauer Skate in the old man's eyes.

WTF? lol 

Fly United... Canada Gubmint Style

So how is Mother Nature doing these days? I think she likes you a lot from your picture together here."Oh, she's just fine. The paradox there is that she is way too smart to EVAH fzck with a UBC Engineer," said Mike wistfully, "so it can be a tad lonely at times even though we sleep together often enough, and Her gentle snoring comforts me. I get free courses in advanced Bztch Craft plus Hell Squared from Her simply with a good natured scorning and I dunno what d'Hell she sees in Me! Anyways, I have a lot of Good Ideas for Hell 2.0 from Her. We are pals to the n'th degree, I'm always ribbin' Her, and she is my designated driver on Karaoke nights. Sometimes Grandma Nature, Mother, and I all go there together. Grandma is her spittin' image, and reportedly sings like a Genuine Angel . She knows I have every kind of co0+ie known to man and several more with this whole Surveyor's Lyme thing, but doesn't know that I have it beat thanks to Grandma's (Mine, not Her's) Apple Tick Remedy for Ticks and Humans becoming the Mother of All Magic Bullets for Ticks wanting to give us the boot. She is also not aware that every man, woman, etc., and child on the planet is infected now to various stages of the illness. Ticks have run out of space which is a uniquely earth bound problem to them, having lived in the boundless void of space for eons. With the L6L, we will be able to give them a lift back!"

Mother Nature gets her nails done @ Mecca Spa 

"Those aren't the only courses I take too. Infinity Engineering school takes Patience. I've worn out a handful of Timex's that actually stopped tickin' while here. To be fair, one stopped tickin' after a good dickin' an' dunkin' between batteries though. But I digress... Even Job dropped out part way through Infinity! Whiner!".

To Be Continued...

"



Edited by alpha+omega 8/21/2014 10:05 AM
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25369 - in reply to #25365)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Church Light Bulbs

How many church people does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Charismatic: Only one – hands are already in the air anyway.

  • Roman Catholic: None – they use candles.

  • Baptist: Change??!!??!!

  • Pentecostal: Ten – one to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

  • Presbyterian: None – God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

  • Anglican: Ten – one to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they like they old one better.

  • Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

  • Methodists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change.

  • Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for light bulbs. However, if in your own journey, you have found a light bulb that works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


* * *
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25397 - in reply to #25369)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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What Is A Moron?

You can find the definition in the parody of
Dean Martin’s song ‘That's Amore’ by Al Mahan
Please follow the link below:

‘That’s a Moron!’

Created by Anon.
Edited by Aquarius

* * *

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alpha+omega
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25398 - in reply to #25397)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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lol

Physics dictates there should also be a "Mor-Off" but who knows where they hide them?

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25409 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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The End Of Maxine
  

As we progress ever deeper into the year 2014, I want to thank you for all your educational e-mails over the past year. Because of them I am now so screwed up that I have little chance of recovery.
 
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
 
I can’t sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
 
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.
 
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
 
I can’t touch any woman’s handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
 
I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
 
I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
 
I can’t have a drink in a bar because I fear I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
 
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
 
I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
 
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered when I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
 
Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
 
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
 
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
 
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
 
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
 
I do not go to shopping centres any more, because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
 
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
 
Thanks to you I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
 
And thanks to your great advice I can’t ever pick up any coin I find in the car park because it was probably put there by a sex Molester who is waiting to grab me as I bend over.
 
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by a Violin Spider and my hand falls off.
 
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician!
 
Oh, and by the way, a German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.  Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late. 
 
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 foot out of the toilet..
 
Have a good day.
 
* * *
 
P.S. I hope you all familiar with Maxine, the elderly lady of e-mail fame.


Edited by Aquarius 9/9/2014 7:23 AM
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Webmaster
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25416 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Actually ... and this is a TRUE story ...

The first time I went to a horse race track, several seagulls flew right over my head and deposited the most nasty, gooey, green, white, and yellow POOP right on my head! God, did it stink! I ran into the men's room and washed it off. Then ran to the line to place a bet. I had never bet on a horse race before. I was looking at the paper listing all the pros and cons of the horses about to run and had decided on exactly what bet I wanted to place. My turn came up and I blurted out the horses and the order they would come in ... and the lady said, "WAIT A MINUTE. I'M BUSY." I felt so chastised I almost swallowed my tongue. Then she looked up and said, "Now, what did you say?"

I couldn't even remember my own name, much less the horses. So I blurted out two numbers, paid my $2 and she handed me my ticket.

It turned out one of the horses I'd bet was a bit of a long shot. And I won $490 USD!

The next day we were at the beach. My brother-in-law was dancing all over the place like an idiot. It took me a while to figure out what he was doing. He was dancing underneath every seagull he saw, praying for POOP!

So what can I say? Bring on the Dove with diarrhea!

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alpha+omega
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25426 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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I too have a similar True story. Out where I live, there are flying Lights that come out on warm summer nights. They eat bugs that congregate around sodium vapour orange street lights. Of course, they have copious droppings. I looked them up and they are called Foo Fighters. Every time I would sit down, I would get a little Foo shzt on me. So I would wash the stuff I was wearing and hang it on the line. But then it gets weird. Somebody or thing was stealing all the black clothes and underwear I was hanging on the line. I found it was better not to hang them outside anymore, or just refrain from washing the Foo spray off of them and hanging them out there where they would get stolen. Eventually I found that I had to grin and wear it, save them in a closed hamper, and it still stands that I have to put them in the dryer instead after washing.

But for a while there, it was looking like the moral of the story was If The Foo Shzts, Wear It!

Thx. I'll be here all week. Try the Fish. Oops... Gotta go... Ma Nature is sawin' logs again. lulz



Edited by alpha+omega 9/6/2014 8:09 AM
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25427 - in reply to #25416)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Webmaster - 9/3/2014 7:01 PM . . .So what can I say? Bring on the Dove with diarrhea!

German sailors believe that the seagull is a bringer of good fortune.

It is also a general belief in Germany that it IS lucky when bird droppings land on you.

Maybe there is more to this than meets the eye.

With love - Aquarius 

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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25430 - in reply to #25426)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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I have always marvelled at the paradox of nightime flying insects being drawn to the light - that ultimately could annihilate them - and the way in which that reflects the mythologies of the moth's representation in the soul; and then too the way in which we are drawn to the light that ultimately will annihilate us, and whether that is the true light, or its shadowed reflection?

Thanks A+0 for the image .... and also too what comes to mind is the spider that has taken up residence in my wife's driver's mirror: how sturdy it is, maintaining and repairing its' web after wind blown journeys ... how metaphysical is all that ...


Edited by Paul Joseph 9/6/2014 3:33 PM
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Webmaster
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25432 - in reply to #25430)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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A+O ... perhaps YOU should buy a lottery ticket!

{chuckle}

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25440 - in reply to #25430)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Paul Joseph - 9/6/2014 9:31 PM I have always marvelled at the paradox of night-time flying insects being drawn to the light - that ultimately could annihilate them - and the way in which that reflects the mythologies of the moth's representation in the soul; and then too the way in which we are drawn to the light that ultimately will annihilate us, and whether that is the true light, or its shadowed reflection? Thanks A+0 for the image .... and also too what comes to mind is the spider that has taken up residence in my wife's driver's mirror: how sturdy it is, maintaining and repairing its' web after wind blown journeys ... how metaphysical is all that ...

The light to which all of us are finally drawn - the Great Light - does not annihilate anyone. It is is true, our small earthly self has to die on the Cross of the Earth, the oldest known metaphor for humankind's earthly existence, but this only happens so that our spirit and soul can be set free to move on. Having said that, even whilst still 'trapped' in our physical bodies on the Earth plane, at least in our thoughts our spirit at all times is free to fly like a bird. The birds of our world are there to remind us of this fact.

‘The Message Of The Birds’

The spider also came into your life to tell you something. Spider weaves the web of life - and we do well always never to forget to look our for the greater picture and to lift our inner eyes to the higher and highest realities of life, where all of it has its origin and to which one day it does return, including you and me and everybody else.

With love - Aquarius

 

 

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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25442 - in reply to #25440)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Thanks Aquarius; interesting and helpful reflections.

Much love
Paul
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Ophiucus
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25444 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hi A+O I have put an alert on your post here because I think there are some viewing who might find it offensive or distasteful, much as I enjoy your surreal observations in many of your posts ...

I will see what others think but am minded to delete this one ...

Kindest regards
O
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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25448 - in reply to #25444)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hello Everyone

I agree that this post has to go ... but I also have for many years especially after reading Frithjoff Schuon, Rene Guenon and Ananda Coomerswamy (eg, the Transcendent Unity of Religions), considered myself to be an adherent of the True Religion that is at the core of Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Christianity and the Hindu Realm ... indeed all true religions, so as one of those I cannot be offended by the 'exoteric' confusion of 'esotoric' truth ..

As our beloved Christine says somewhere, all is illusion, even this

Part of the problem is education, or lack of: we are not given enough grounding in thought, then rush to bandwagons of emotion and feeling ... without heed to the true heart of the world, the Divine Soul which sleeps at the true centre of us all, makes us one, inspires us to love and renounce hatred ...

See though ... how drilling down into A+0's posts can produce light ...?

Yet to make the truth that we perceive acceptable to others, we have not to offend sensibilities; though not out of fear, out of love.

Namaste All
Paul

ps Zy - Love the dove ...

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25449 - in reply to #25448)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Thank you, Paul, for sharing your reflections and insights with us.

With love - Aquarius

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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25450 - in reply to #25449)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Dear Aquarius

Thank you.

I will send you a PM

Love
Paul
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mruppert
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25451 - in reply to #25450)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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An Urgent Hello!
It seems that I have missed some controversy over the Jewolic, Cathish, Hundo, BudLtieah and Islama religions.
Are we all blind to the threat that the Monrovian Church represents????? And, do we not want to face the impending rise of the Hutterites-all THREE of them??????????
Not to mention the insidious Huguenauts, whose master plan is to establish bases on the Moon and Mars and to encircle the earth with capsules. Even America turns a blind eye to the Huguenauts......heck, we even televise their offensive launches into space!

It is easy to know the truth, but it is very hard to face the truth when the truth is unpleasant and distasteful. It is also morally sinful to know the truth, but suppress it for the sake of harmony and slavery to a lie.

Peace to all,
Marty and Luckylee, establishing a catiphate all over the world!
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25455 - in reply to #25451)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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All the best to you and the Catiphate.

Long may it live - and you, of course.

Especially with your birthday being just round the corner.

With love - Aquarius

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Tracy Martin
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25479 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hello again! I was just visiting,  and have not been here for several years. I am not able to open any of the "Weird" emails. Are you Zy or Jill? 

 

 

 

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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25482 - in reply to #25479)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hi Tracy

long time no see - hope you are well

Paul
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mruppert
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25483 - in reply to #25479)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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OMG..........Hiya Tracerino.......wasup, was shakinn? How you be?

 

Marty minus quite a few cats, just LuckyLee is left

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Webmaster
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25484 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Tracy! Hello!

So glad to see you here!

Will you stay awhile? Or at least visit more often?!

Such a delightful surprise and so good to see you on yet another connection.

Love,
Zy

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Tracy Martin
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25485 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hi Marty, Paul, Zy !CATS ARE NEVER GONE! i am well. Hope you all are too!
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25493 - in reply to #25485)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



UMS Guest

Posts: 1938
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Location: United Kingdom

Hello Tracy - nice to have you back. We've missed you.

With love - Aquarius

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