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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25035 - in reply to #24994)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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White Eagle ‘Stella Polaris’ February/March 2007: ‘Let us all cultivate a sense of humour, so that we treat as amusing those things in humankind that would otherwise irritate or annoy us. Let us be understanding, feeling with our siblings in their little irritations and annoyances and turn darkness into light by throwing upon it the wondrous warming beam of humour.’

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25040 - in reply to #25035)
Subject: RE: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Reflections By Will Rogers
 
William Penn Adair Rogers was better known as Will Rogers. He was born November 4, 1879 and died August 15, 1935. He was an American cowboy, comedian, humorist, social commentator, vaudeville performer and actor and one of the best-known celebrities in the 1920s and 1930s.
 
Known as Oklahoma's favourite son, Rogers was born to a prominent Cherokee Nation family in Indian Territory, now part of Oklahoma. He travelled ound the world three times, made 71 movies, 50 silent films and 21 talkies, wrote more than 4,000 nationally-syndicated newspaper columns and became a world-famous figure. By the mid-1930s, Rogers was adored by the American people. He was the leading political wit of the Progressive Era and also a top-paid Hollywood movie star at the time. Rogers died in 1935 with aviator Wiley Post, when their small airplane crashed near Barrow, Alaska.

 
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
 
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
 
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman.
Neither works.
 
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
 
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
 
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
 
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
and put it back into your pocket.
 
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence
and find out for themselves.
 
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
 
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.
 
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
 
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
My advice: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
 
Finally: Never squat while wearing your spurs!
 
About Growing Older
 
First ~You will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
 
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
 
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
 
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
 
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
 
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
 
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it's such a nice change from being young.
 
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
 
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
 
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks,
it was called witchcraft. Today they call it golf.
 
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at your troubles,
you'll certainly have nothing to laugh at when you're old.
 
* * *
 
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cause
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25056 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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When I think of algebra I want to go back to youth.

When I laugh at my troubles I want to laugh at nothing when I am old.
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25084 - in reply to #25056)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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cause - 5/3/2014 5:26 AM When I think of algebra I want to go back to youth. When I laugh at my troubles I want to laugh at nothing when I am old.

I prefer laughing with rather than at something. How about you?  And if there's nothing left to laugh about when we're old, what a sad world that would be. So, let's keep on smiling - keep on laughing. With love - Aquarius



Edited by Aquarius 5/10/2014 2:34 PM
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25098 - in reply to #25084)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Lawn Mowing With A Difference

To my mind, this is the funniest video ever.
Please click the words below:

The Lawn Mower

Best watched full screen.

Enjoy!

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cause
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25108 - in reply to #25084)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Aquarius - 5/10/2014 2:34 PM

cause - 5/3/2014 5:26 AM When I think of algebra I want to go back to youth. When I laugh at my troubles I want to laugh at nothing when I am old.

I prefer laughing with rather than at something. How about you?  And if there's nothing left to laugh about when we're old, what a sad world that would be. So, let's keep on smiling - keep on laughing. With love - Aquarius

 My comment was simply that I did not desire to have troubles when I grow old. . . 

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25233 - in reply to #25108)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Role Swapping
 
A man was tired of going to work every day and envied his wife who stayed at home to bring up their children. He wanted her to become aware of how hard and difficult his lot was compared to hers and so one fine day he prayed: ‘Great Spirit, Father/Mother of all life, I go to work every day and put in eight hours of toil, while my wife just stays at home. I don’t think that’s fair. I want her to know about my lot in life, so she can appreciate what an easy time she is having. How about swopping our roles for a day, she doing my work and I hers?’
 
The Universe, in Its infinite wisdom, decided to grant the man’s wish and the next morning he woke up as a woman. Immensely pleased with himself, he got up and cooked breakfast for the family. Then he raised the children from their slumbers and got their school clothes ready. Having breakfasted with them, he packed their lunches and drove them to school. Upon returning home he picked up the dry cleaning and took it to the cleaners, stopping at the bank to make a deposit. Then he went to the supermarket to shop for groceries and drove home to put them away. Following this he paid some bills and balanced the check book.
 
He then cleaned the cat’s litter tray and bathed the dog, made the beds and attended to the laundry, followed by some dusting, vacuuming and mopping the kitchen floor. Oh dear! Time for picking the children up from school. On their way home they got into an argument. On their arrival home he served them some milk and biscuits and after that supervised their homework.
 
Having attended to the children’s needs, he got the ironing board ready and watched TV whilst getting on with his ironing. At 4.30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and prepared vegetables to make a salad for the evening meal. Having partaken in it, he tidied up the kitchen and got the dishwasher going. He then folded some laundry, bathed the children and put them to bed.
 
By nine o’clock in the evening he was so exhausted that although his daily chores were by no means finished, all he had energy left for was to go to bed. Alas, instead of being allowed to go to sleep and get some well deserved rest, he was expected to make love. To his own amazement, he managed to get through it without complaint.
 
Upon waking the next morning, he immediately went down on his knees by the side of his bed and prayed: ‘Great Spirit, Father/Mother of all life, I don’t know what I was thinking the other day. I now know how wrong it was to envy my wife’s staying at home all day. Please, oh please, will you make me into a man again? I promise I will do everything you want me to.’
 
The Universal life force, in its infinite wisdom smilingly replied: ‘My dearest child, I can see how worn out you are and that you have learnt your lesson. I would be happy enough to change things back to the way they were, but you’ll have to wait nine months because you became pregnant last night.’
 
* * *

 

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25240 - in reply to #25233)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Quotes
 
If you ever think you’re not quite intelligent enough, read this. It will help you to feel like a genius.
 ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: ‘I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,’
Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA  contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
  ‘Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.’
Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
‘Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.’
Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 ‘I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.’
Winston Bennett,  University  of  Kentucky  basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘Apart from the killings,  Washington  has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.’
Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington  ,  DC  .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.’
A congressional candidate in  Texas  ..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘Half this game is ninety percent mental.’
Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 ‘It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.’
Al Gore, Vice President
           ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
 ‘I love  California  . I practically grew up in  Phoenix.’
 Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?’
Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
‘The word ‘genius’ isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’
Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
‘We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.’
 Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
‘Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.’
Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.’
Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
‘If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.’
Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
 
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25247 - in reply to #25240)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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‘When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it’s only a minute. When you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity.’ Albert Einstein
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25248 - in reply to #25247)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Here is another video that is sure to put a smile on your face,

A New Use For Empty Beer Bottles

To find out how it’s done, please click the words below:

Empty Beer Bottles

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25255 - in reply to #25248)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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How's The Day Going For You?
 
One day, feeling utterly deject and miserable, I was sitting at a bar, just staring at my drink. Suddenly, a big biker, who looked like a trouble maker, stepped up to me, grabbed my drink and gulped it down in one swig.
 
When I burst into tears, he growled menacingly: ‘Well, what are ye going do about it?’ After a moment or two he continued: ‘Come on, I didn’t think you’d weep over a triviality like this. I can’t stand watching men crying.’
 
‘This is the worst day of my life,’ I replied. ‘I’m a complete failure. First I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance to replace it. I left my wallet in the cab I took home and found my wife in bed with another man. As the crowning glory of my day, the dog bit me. And so I came to this bar to help me work up the courage to put an end to it all. I bought myself a drink and dropped a capsule into it. As I was watching the poison dissolve, you showed up and drunk it.
 
But, enough about me, how’s the day going for you?’
 

* * *

 
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Webmaster
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25257 - in reply to #25255)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Aquarius - 7/10/2014 7:48 AM

But, enough about me, how’s the day going for you?

LOL, what a story. Drink mix: 1 part Aries, 2 parts Scorpio, with a twist, of course.

I used to say in Astronet:

Aries Statement:

Enough about me, what do you think of me?


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cause
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25259 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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I am a little unclear about astrology. Is,"enough about me, what do you think about me?" particularly a statement of a person who's sun is in Aries?

Edited by cause 7/10/2014 11:01 PM
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Webmaster
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25260 - in reply to #25259)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Well, it is tongue-in-cheek humor. But it is a "typical" Aries quality to be quite innocently self-centered.

And everyone has a slice of Aries in their chart!

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25263 - in reply to #25260)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Very true - we all have everything somewhere in our charts, including Aries.

With love - Aquarius

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25285 - in reply to #25263)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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The Wedding Anniversary Gift
 
A married couple in their early sixties was celebrating its twenty-eighth wedding anniversary in a quiet and romantic little restaurant. Suddenly a beautiful tiny fairy appeared before them on their table, who said: ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being so kind and loving to each other for such a long time, I am granting each one of you a wish. What shall it be?’
 
Without hesitation the wife answered: ‘I would like to travel around the world with my darling husband’. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II lay before them.
 
The husband, however, had to think about the matter for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come my way again. I’m sorry my love, but I would like to have a wife who is thirty years younger than I am.’
 
Both fairy and wife were deeply disappointed. ‘But,’ the fairy said, ‘A wish is a wish and I will fulfil it.’ With that, she waved her magic wand and poof! In an instant, before the wife’s eyes her husband grew into a ninety-two year old man.
 
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful do well never to forget that fairies are female.
 
* * *

 

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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25300 - in reply to #25285)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Rejuvenation
 
A lady in her late forties felt that she could do with some major plastic surgery, hoping that it would make a new woman out of her. On the operation table she had an out-of-the-body experience in which she met God who told her that she was going to live for another fifty years. As soon as she had sufficiently recovered from her ordeal, she hurled herself into a huge rejuvenation programme, lost two stone, had a facelift, a nose job and breast implants, some liposuction and she also dyed her hair.
 
A year later, the woman was hit by a car and killed. Upon reaching Heaven, she rushed up to God and shouted furiously: ‘You told me I was going to live for another fifty years on the Earth plane!’ ‘I’m very sorry about that,’ said God, ‘I just didn’t recognise you.’
 
* * *
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25308 - in reply to #25300)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Canadian Moments Of Surprise

Please follow the link below:

‘Canadian Surprises’

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cause
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25314 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Conspiracy buffs beware. The black opp is real and it is poetry
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25333 - in reply to #25314)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Another video to make you smile.

The Latest In Music Making

Have you ever heard of a carrot clarinet?

In case you would like to have a go at making one yourself,
please follow the link below:

‘The Carrot Clarinet’

* * *

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cause
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25335 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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I thought you said he played the tuber!

strangely repulsed.

cause
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25346 - in reply to #25335)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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On-Line Dating Advertisements

Foxy Lady From Kings Point
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Who says the seniors in Florida
don’t know how to make good use of the Internet?

* * *
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Aquarius
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25354 - in reply to #25346)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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 A Journey With A Difference
Plus
A Study In Human Behaviour

In this video you can watch people roaring with laughter when there is nothing funny about.
Probably, they are behaving this way because they are frightened out of their wits.
If you wish to make this trip with them, please follow the link below:


* * *

The road between Kishtwar and the basecamp of Kishtwar Kailash, a 6,451m mountain, is one of the scariest roads in the world. It’s located at the eastern extremity of the Kishtwar District of the Jammu region in Jammu and Kashmir, India.

To reach this trail, you can arrive from the west, taking the road over the Rohtang Pass from Manali to the Chenab Valley and then following the Darlang Valley to the base of the mountain. The climb is simply terrible with a high degree of steepness and a notorious lack of oxygen that tests the human organism. The area has been more or less closed to mountaineers for political reasons since the early 1990s.

The road is winding, in some places only wide enough for one vehicle, and in many places bordered on one side by cliffs and on the other side by a drop of hundreds of meters, unprotected by guardrails. The last fifty kilometres of road to the start of the ascent proved to be extremely frightening. Words can’t describe the road and pictures don’t do justice to it.

The surface of the road is gravel, stones and sand and it has been carved into the side of a cliff. The one lane path had no guard rail and the overhanging cliff was so low that the van barely fitted, with an over six hundred metres drop, water cascading down in parts and rocks hanging down that obstruct the view of oncoming traffic.

* * *


Edited by Aquarius 8/14/2014 6:23 AM
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alpha+omega
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25355 - in reply to #6039)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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I'm sure Tick Old Pink has a billion of 'em when he comes around gain. Typo: "A"gain. What is it with astronauts dropping "A" out of sentences anyways? That's one small step for "A" grammar... Must be Moon Bugs

Here comes one...

God is sitting around bored In The Beginning.

He Thought to Himself "I have an Idea!"

Instantly there was Light.

The Engineer, with the Holy Ghost in this Universe also just created by the nested paradox of a singularity having both a thought and an Idea, says, "Look Dad, are we here to fzck around or get this show on the road?" lulz

Wait for it...

OK I made that one up... Here's a good Plagiarized one...

 

We heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says his life is harsh and cruel. Say he feels all alone in a threatening world.

Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.

Man bursts into tears. "But doctor.....I am Pagliacci"



Edited by alpha+omega 8/14/2014 8:56 PM
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Paul Joseph
Posted 2/20/2016 3:58 PM (#25359 - in reply to #25355)
Subject: Re: How About A Spot Of Light Relief?



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Hi Alpha+Omega

Long time no speak - good to see you coming down for air ... one problem though is,

he cannot have been Pagliacci - I AM !!

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