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Metaphysical Humour
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Danjummai
Posted 8/12/2008 8:03 AM (#9033 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A young lady was ruminating about Paradise and its unlimited bliss when suddenly asked by her devote mum the first thing that she will request for on admission therein, "Champaign and a Pack of cigarette of course!" She said to the chagrin of her devote mum.

Edited by Danjummai 8/12/2008 8:06 AM
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/12/2008 8:26 AM (#9035 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oops, responded to this, thinking it was a new thrad, then saw it went back and by mistake I posted in response to the first post on it ! Sorry 'bout that - I have amended my post slightly, but then got even more confused, and have left it as it is. Goodness me, state I am in !

Metaphysical humour sounds good; lighten the tone; invoke the God of Games, Lord of the Dance ... did you see the 'Heaven' poem ? 'Here hangs no sign forbidding cakes or ale' ...

... as for the story that started this thread though, cats often don't kill to eat nowadays, not domesticated ones - they are just keeping their hand in, or paw in, so to speak ...

... but please, not back to the dreaded UMS Board cat debates !!!! Aargh !

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

by T.S. Eliot

Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air -
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Mcavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.
And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,
Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair -
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty's gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - Mcavity's not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
`It must have been Macavity!' - but he's a mile away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!


http://www.themediadrome.com/content/poetry/macavity.htm


Edited by Paul Joseph 8/12/2008 8:30 AM
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sunflower
Posted 8/12/2008 12:12 PM (#9044 - in reply to #9035)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


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haha!paul,you make me laugh just being you,stay as you are,sometimes i don,t understand your words,so i just ignore them(haha)and answer the easy parts.love,irisx
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/12/2008 1:24 PM (#9049 - in reply to #9044)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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& thanks for being You Too, Sunnybeampetal x
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 11:57 AM (#9082 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Druid mathematician?

Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that isn't there.
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/13/2008 2:12 PM (#9094 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hahahaha! I have shared that one with everyone in the office, Lori!
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 2:49 PM (#9095 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Yay! I hope everyone got a chuckle out of it, I sure did! Thanks for sharing it!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/13/2008 2:49 PM (#9096 - in reply to #9082)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh Holy Lori - that is too clever for me - is that the same tree that is falling in the forest and is or is not making a sound if no one hears it, and indeed, is or is not falling if no one (or two, or three, if gathered in Thy name) sees it ?
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 2:51 PM (#9097 - in reply to #9096)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh you little rascal, P- you snuck in your post right before mine...uh..er..yup! That's exactly the tree that is referred to here!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/13/2008 3:47 PM (#9110 - in reply to #9097)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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I seem to be blessed, one way or another, with that strange thing called, timing ... but it is completely outside of my conscious control (can be good or bad!) - blessings - great joke though xx
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 6:50 PM (#9123 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Glad you enjoyed it..I have a book of them! Maybe I will share one every week or so, just for giggles..

Thank you Danjummai, for this thread!
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Danjummai
Posted 8/15/2008 4:38 PM (#9257 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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It is a pleasure. Allow me add another one, not that of Cats this time but that of Pigs! It was said to have emanated from a Buddhist source in which was said a savior encountered the Superior Being when He was about to destroy the world for its Sinfulness and thereby pleaded with Him to give him a chance to do his work. He was emphatically told that no one will believe but for his persistence was asked to go see whether he could save a single soul or an animal at least. He went, tried and failed. On his way back he found a pig wallowing in the mud. Aha, at last he’s found one that will believe. He went to the pig and gave him the glad tiding of Paradise so clean, the pig will live happily everafter. I thought so! The Pig said. But let me tell you, Hell for me is any place where there is no filth and worms as you see me have!

 

* Apologies for the armature manner of my presentation. No plagiarism meant!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/15/2008 5:12 PM (#9260 - in reply to #9257)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Dear Danjummai - a joke for Jaxemma methinks !
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jaxemma
Posted 8/16/2008 11:43 AM (#9309 - in reply to #9260)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Pigs are nice lol!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/16/2008 2:49 PM (#9323 - in reply to #9309)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Absolutely Jax; I think sausages should be outlawed x
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 11:53 AM (#9384 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, 'I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.' The waitress replies, 'I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?'
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:04 PM (#9390 - in reply to #9384)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Takes thinking about that one - cleverly funny - ... how about this Sartre joke (seen in a graffiti in public toilet years' back):

Marx: To do is to be

Sartre: To be is to do

Sinatra: Do be do be doo
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 12:06 PM (#9393 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh Man that had me giggling out loud ahahaha!!

Gonna have to plagiarize that one!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:10 PM (#9397 - in reply to #9393)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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So long as you credit it to graffiti in an Islington public house c. 1980 ! Ha ha ..

gotta get on with dinner else it'll be 'no chicken' tonight !!

lovely to commune xxx
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 12:14 PM (#9398 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Bock Bock says the chicken! Goodnight says Lori!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:52 PM (#9400 - in reply to #9398)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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a bastin' break bijou, bayou, By George !! night now
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John W. Kelly
Posted 8/20/2008 11:42 AM (#9420 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


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The philosophy professor was asked whether the elevator was going up or down. After a bit of thought, the professor replied "yes!"
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 12:17 PM (#9421 - in reply to #9420)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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But does it go up and down if there is nobody in it ?
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Supernatural3
Posted 8/20/2008 12:43 PM (#9423 - in reply to #9421)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Paul Joseph - 8/20/2008 12:17 PMBut does it go up and down if there is nobody in it ?


The answer is NO. As unless you experience it, it does not exist at all to you.  This may be different to one who does experience it.

LOL




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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 12:54 PM (#9424 - in reply to #9423)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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But didn't you think my crossover joke from the tree that falls in the forest and no-one hears it ... so does it make a sound ... to the elevator going up and down .. was at least quite a neat transfer ?!

ho hum

back to the woods x
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