have u all gone
sunflower
Posted 7/15/2008 3:08 AM (#7210)
Subject: have u all gone


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i switched on this morning,and there was nobody there,here,not even invisible users.I thought God,have they all gone already,i felt bereft,vulnerable,like it was the end of the world,and there was only me left.StraNge feeling that,but interesting,it made me ask myself some questions,like what IF it were true,and i had in fact woke to nothingness,just me,and my old laptop,talking to myself(mind you thats a normal state for me). It made me realise how attached i had become to some of my friends here,i even started to miss those,i didn,t think i would.There wern,t even any cars on the street,no birds singing,all the usual i wake up to,scary!!!.Then i thought okay iris,what do you plan to do now,whats your next step,shall i phone relatives,see if theyre still ther,if the phone lines are working,spook,what if they weren,t.What about my sons,when did i last see them,speak to them,tell them i loved them,is it too late.Things i should have said,and done,but took for granted,i.e.i,ll do that tomorrow,but now,there was no tomorrow,just this moment of time..then i realised,thats all we really have,just THIS moment of time,oh!,i,d realised that before,when i had it all,but now,theres only me.Then i heard my little dog,in his bed,crying to go out,to be made a fuss of,to be hugged and loved by me,as i always do.Oh,the joy,thelove.the releif,i cuddled him as i have never cuddled,the love was stronger,brighter,a warmth in my heart.I had been doing all these things so automaticaly,every morning,going through the motions,like a robot,still loving,still feeling etc,but now it was a physical thing,i was seeing all,as if for the first time,all that i had taken for granted.So,i realised that i must live more in THE MOMENT,i must tell those i love,how much,more often,when i say goodye,i must say it each time with meaning,love,action,as if it were the last goodbye,so,on so forth,just so many realisations,that i took for granted,that i thought i already knew,and have.All sounds so dramatic doesn,t it,and you may laugh at me,but i,ll take that chance.It was in fact a reawakening,a re evaliation,i love so much all around,my family,my friends,my new friends,from all around the world,on this site,whom i have never met,or seen in person.So,as not to go on too much,can i say,with ALL my heart,i love you all,you are a part of my life,a part of me,i am honoured to have made your aquaintance,and for you to have let me in to your lives,i thankyou,with sincerity,love and hugs irisxxx
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 5:30 AM (#7211 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
I am still here. I share your feelings, hence my outpouring of bitter melancholy last night. Be well and take care. Blessings Sunflower !
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NothingEverything
Posted 7/15/2008 8:22 AM (#7214 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: Hirosaki, Japan
a moment of stillness in life is nessesary.
ask the butterfly.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 8:28 AM (#7215 - in reply to #7214)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
Namaste.

Dear NE - in case you hadn't picked up on it, I believe that Sunflower is referring to the imminent transmigration of this discussion Board out of this sphere and onto the Starlight journal web-site. Resulting in its closure as such here. You may not have picked that up yet; but if you have, my apologies for doing the egg-sucking thing !

Blessings Friend.
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NothingEverything
Posted 7/15/2008 8:32 AM (#7216 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: Hirosaki, Japan
Thanks Paul!
Also, I very much enjoyed your addition to Poetry for the soul.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 8:40 AM (#7218 - in reply to #7216)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
So glad, NE; I hoped you would !
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sunflower
Posted 7/15/2008 9:26 AM (#7224 - in reply to #7211)
Subject: RE: have u all gone


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Thankyou paul,you understood perfecly,i wish you well,and send my love with sincerity,i have enjoyed our discussions,banterings,sometimes disagreements,but i still hold on to that proposal,seems so long ago,okay,i won,t keep you waiting,i accept,haha,love and hugs irisxxx
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 9:39 AM (#7225 - in reply to #7224)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
Aah dear Sunflower - how can I have forgotten - but I thought it was you who'd proposed to me ?

.... did you know that modern physics has this notion something like, i think, that every possible decision taken/not taken (like in the poem by Robert Frost, The Path Not Taken) creates an alternative universe of possibilities - the multi-verse - which resonates with the ideas in the Vedas of many many, infinite worlds, of possibility ...

... so who knows what has happened, what might happen, what might be happening now ?! ....

...............and yes too, i have enjoyed greatly our chats, interactions, less so any disagreements - with anyone - though they might simply be the shadows created by the light ....

.........................................
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Tracy Martin
Posted 7/15/2008 9:43 AM (#7226 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Sunflower, that made me cry with both melancholy and joy. The present moment is so rich!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 10:11 AM (#7232 - in reply to #7226)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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check out my diy post .... i may have finally lost the plot ..... x
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 10:11 AM (#7233 - in reply to #7232)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
.....if not the will to live ha ha
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/15/2008 10:12 AM (#7234 - in reply to #7232)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
these posts transpoed themselves incorrectly, losing the plot came before losing the will to live ... althuogh maybe it is that way around really ?!

A serious interpolation from my unconscious ....
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instinctual
Posted 7/15/2008 10:33 AM (#7235 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Iris..what a scary thought...almost in a strange way straight out of a Steven King novel...what makes his work so authentically freaky is how true "it could be". I understand the robotics you refer to, automatic it becomes...this becomes. You are so poignant and real..

Love to you and all!
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Rose
Posted 7/15/2008 1:45 PM (#7255 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: No I'm not impersonating a cat! I'm a laughing Owl
You are a bright sunflower, cheery, warm and loved! I see bright light all around this lovely flower...it's you!

Love and Peace to you...still here sunshine.

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instinctual
Posted 7/16/2008 3:37 PM (#7286 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Hellooo Iris! Hi Rose and All!

I am finally realizing who you all are on the starlight site ( a big duh for me! )

I am still so moved when I read your "have you all gone" post. How almost post apocalyptic that is.... yeeeks
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instinctual
Posted 7/16/2008 3:51 PM (#7289 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Also meant to add- I love the owl, Rose, and Paul, am happy to see that image!!

So what did you cook for your familial host? Here will be an outdoor barbeque today...106 degrees currently and our air conditioning is on the fritz. What timing, sheesh..

Signed,
Delirious in the Deser
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/17/2008 3:58 AM (#7301 - in reply to #7289)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
Shepherd's Pie. An old English favourite. And roast parsnips. And roast peppers. And cabbage salad.

Filled a little hole and enough for tonight too !!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/17/2008 8:36 AM (#7314 - in reply to #7289)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
Sorry, read your post too quickly, and missed saying, thanks for noticing & liking the image ... sunrise on the sacred, Lago Titicaca, place of dreams, the the birthplace of the first humans, according to the Inca peoples xx
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Supernatural3
Posted 7/18/2008 12:51 AM (#7332 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Life has taken me into directions with no PC. Like hospitals, out door activities and company.
I will always be on this site, as long as I am alive. If I am gone for a while, it is due to life, keeping me preoccupied to where i am not able to log on.

It's blasted hot and humid here in Ohio. We just had new windows installed, so my hubby refused to turn on the air. cripes.....

My husband is having an MRI tomorrow morning to find out how bad he hurt his shoulder. My daughter has to have a bone scan next week for the stress fracture in her spine and my real dad is slowly dying. He has Ecoli infection in his blood, and sepsis. 106 fever and a temp they cannot control. He  just had a hip replacement and it is totally loaded with infection as well as pneumonia.

Now, I don't know my father all that much, because he was never involved much in my life. But, he is still my blood father and I don't want him to suffer. Going back and forth to the hospital can be a drain, when it accomplishes only one thing.... to let family members know you were there. He is never awake.

So anyway, I am here. Will always be around at least a couple times a week.

HUGS to you all~
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/18/2008 8:00 AM (#7352 - in reply to #7332)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
Dear DocJ - so sorry to hear of your struggles. Although unconscious, it is quite well attested, as i am sure you know, that people in coma remember and know what happens during their unconscious state ... just pondering, as again I am sure you know, but since you posted ... we are responsible for our own karma, others' for theirs ... so your being with and there for your father, irrespective of how he was with you, is a blessing for Eternity that you can manifest ... as indeed, it is said, we choose our birth families, for the karmic work that we request or are endowed with, to assist our spiritual enhancement. Hope that comes across as sincerely as it is meant. Blessings x
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Supernatural3
Posted 7/18/2008 8:43 AM (#7356 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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yep, I understand what you mean. While he is not in a coma, more like sedated and drug induced unconsciousness. When he is awake, he cannot talk or do anything with tubes down his throat. He is miserable.

I honestly want him to either get better, or pass. This waiting and game playing while the doctors decide in their 30 second visit is a game of BS. We never get answers as they change the drugs each day, playing guessing games, just testing which drug may work. I really feel a hospital is not a place for rest, but a place to die. Doctors are way over booked and only make their rounds to see a patient once each day and we all know everything changes in the blink of an eye. While I know the doctors have good intentions, they also use us all as guinne pigs. A money game. Some have good intentions, the rest become numb.

Oops, I just vented.... lol, sorry. The medical field has advanced so much, yet has become so corrupt. Delays happen due to insurance, which now is the larger deciding factor on life. The only thing deciding everything anyway, is God. Time to let him back in.

Blessings~


 
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Paul Joseph
Posted 7/18/2008 8:57 AM (#7360 - in reply to #7356)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Location: United Kingdom
My dad, latterly chair/housebound virtually said to me once, with his Northern England self-deprecating, sardonic humour, " if I was a dog I'd have myself put down ".

Stays with one, that kind of comment.
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sunflower
Posted 7/18/2008 9:35 AM (#7362 - in reply to #7332)
Subject: RE: have u all gone


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Dear supernaural3,i am saddened to hear of your heavy burdens,and send love and light to you,and your father. I do know,from personal experience,that loved ones,can hearall we say,in their unconcious state,and have had much proof to validate it.You must do as you see fit,and go with your heart,you are under much stress,and know you already know the above,even so,i send love as i said to your father,and love and healing to you,love and hugs,irisxxx
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instinctual
Posted 7/18/2008 11:33 AM (#7372 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Jilly-

Yeegads...I am so sorry....what will be will be with your father..and as Paul suggests, he is aware of your presence for all that is worth....interesting you bring up hospitals...it is the nurse staff that is with your father 24 hours a day...the docs, 5 minutes 2 times a day. OSHA, The Joint Commission, all that other happy crap to ensure that everyone has much more to do than actually providing patients with, uh...care. And oh, Managed Care? ( Love ya Bill Clinton, but that one sucked )....

Questions to ask yourself, and then to ask a nurse/staff member if you do not know:

1: Is he comfortable?
2: Do you feel that his care is acceptable?
3: Code Status- Is the care he is receiving appropriate to his Code Status? (CPR vs no CPR, chest compressions, intubation, etc..in the unfortunate event of cardiac arrest).
Personal issues these are, I agree...so sorry to bring them up here, Jill. Hopefully something to think about.

This is what you need to do with your husband....sedate him, lock him in a closet since he doesnt seem to mind the heat and humidity, and crank your AC, girl! Your daughter seems young and healthy...thank goodness for that.

Interesting how the universe manifests things for you "to do"...when you are lacking a pc.....
Love to You, and Your crazy wild fun and wonderful family!!!
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sunflower
Posted 7/18/2008 12:31 PM (#7375 - in reply to #7356)
Subject: RE: have u all gone


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HI,yes i agree thereit is not the illness that kills the patient,is is the bug they catch,because of lack of cleanliness,i was horrified at the state of the 3 hospitals my daughter was in,and others,including myself as apatient,at the negligence shown,the doctors do not comply what the rules now dictate,i.e.washing of hands etc,much more i witnessed.I had to fight to bring my daughter home,which was her wish,but i,m glad i persisted,as her last few months were spent in loving,familiar,surroundings,with all she loved around her.She was not in the state of unconciosness your poor father is in,but please take comfort from the fact,that he knows you are there,and is feeling the love,which is now tenfold,with all on here sending pure love to him,plus the angels surrounding him,my heart cries for you,sincerely,iris,love and light to you my friendxxx
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mruppert
Posted 7/19/2008 1:16 AM (#7381 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Hi all, in particular Instant:
     The older of my two sisters, the one who still proudly wears the cap of her school, is a supervisory nurse in a "managed care" facility. The things she tells me are quite amazing, to say the least. She particulary hates when she is reprimanded for spending "too much time" with patients; and she is constantly frustrated by the quality of lpns and rns that she has to supervise.
      My younger sister, who also has a BS in Nursing, from The Catholic University of America, but went on to get an MBA from the University of Phoenix is more worried about whether she will be officiallly titled an Associate Vice President of the HMO that she works for, even though it's name has changed thirteen times. Young sister is in charge of training.....and even she, corporate minded as she is...has said that the quality of nurses that she has to be sure are trained is far far less today, than it was in the past, when she started the training program for floor nurses fresh out of the classroom.
     The better nurse of the two, is my older sister, even though she almost flunked out of Catholic U; my younger sister breezed through with A's; my older sister struggled with C's.

Peace and Love to Nurses Everywhere,
Marty and Medicinal Cats, LuckyClara, PoppyheadBarton, and SissyGirlNightengale.

P.S. My older of the two sisters graduated with a higher GPA than I did, for I, a member of Mensa, hold the dubious distinction of graduating with the lowest GPA ever recorded in the annals of good old CUA.....though I am sure that some nitwit has broken my record....though it would be very hard to do so...as they no longer grade on tenths of a point.
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sunflower
Posted 7/20/2008 3:19 AM (#7469 - in reply to #7356)
Subject: RE: have u all gone


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Hi Gill,you are constantly on my mind,and i worry that a lovely person,so caring and giving,is having to go through so much.I am wondering how your father is,and how you are coping.Please know that in spirit i am with you,and my arms are around you.There are many things sent to try us ,as they say,you have had much,and are still strong,i admire that strengh,love and hugs.irisxxx
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instinctual
Posted 7/20/2008 12:30 PM (#7478 - in reply to #7210)
Subject: RE: have u all gone



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Thanks Marty..and Peace and Love to you and your brave sisters, my soul sisters.

Managed care, Joint Commission, Medicare requirements, documented difficulty in finding solid and accredited nursing programs to create more nurses for the growing deficit, bottom line, top heavy management, impossibly arrogant physicians, law suit crazy patients, decreased overtime, increased patient load, increased nurse documentation. LPN's being nothing more than glorified aides- an LPN used to be held in the highest regard, as their education was just as valuable as an RN's- I recall back in the 80's in Norwalk CT that the only skill that an LPN could not perform was to administer a blood transfusion. Now, they can pop pills, do assessments and give bed baths. RN's not only responsible for their patients but the LPN is working under the RN license......yet we are expected to put on that smile....I have the highest regard for any one who can still want to call themselves "A Nurse".
Screw it. I quit. Call me weak. I'd rather focus my energies on getting every single person who has ever walked even 1 shift in a nurse's shoes, who has ever received an injury trying to prevent an elderly patient's fall, who has ever been stuck with an HIV + or Hep + needle, who has ever been treated with blatant disrespect by MD's, who has ever been bitten, spit on, bled on, punched, and made to cry their entire lunch break- on the rare occasion that you can take one....who has ever held the hand of a dying patient, who has ever been the punching bag of family members, in one room. Greet them at the door with a hug and love, and teach them how to save some of their energy for their own lives at the end of a 13 hour day. Imagine this. I do.

Mensa -hardly -a -nit- wit -Marty my friend, thank you for remembering me,

Love and Hope to you and yours-
Lori, the used-to be-RN
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