Metaphysical Humour
Danjummai
Posted 12/1/2007 4:08 PM (#3078)
Subject: Metaphysical Humour



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This is not a serious thread. It is meant for humor as the topic suggests. It jus occurred to me to share this humor with our members and takers alike or best put to have a place where we can package what I want to believe is humor – something a bit lighter than our usual heavy tutorials if you don’t mind. You are all welcome.

 

 I came back home  a couple of days ago and found the cat in our compound toying with a mouse it has caught. What attracted my attention was the way the young tom-cat was taking its time to kill its prey. It will pounce on it for a few seconds and when the mouse was still, as if dead, the cat will begin to on the ground, probably in merriment for its catch and then when the mouse had mustered a little strength and tried to run the cat jumps back at it again. The impression I had was that the cat was unwilling to kill the mouse. By its little experience in the art of their survival I was thinking the young tom was waiting for the poor thing to die on its own before it devour its flesh, and very unfortunately for the mouse it was not made to die by its self. As I made walk away, the mouse ran towards me and I was put between it and its tormentor. I immediately understood what the rat was trying to do. I can persuade or chase the cat away but the thinking was if I had interfered the cat looses a substantial meal. So what was I suppose to do, deprive the cat of a dying mouse? I sympathetically declined involvement. What would you have done if it were you?

Remain BLESSED.

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mruppert
Posted 12/2/2007 1:57 AM (#3079 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hi Danju et al:
     It is ironic humour, as I have a few cats now, and over the years have had many.
     The irony is in the fact that they (my current crop, flock, pride, lark, gander...I don't know what to call them...so I will say bunch) will certainly play with a mouse, but they do not know "how" to or "why" they should kill the mouse.
      They are, for all intent and purpose completely dependent on me. Should they find themsleves in the outside world, having to fend for themselves, they would not survive long. Not long at all.
      I have contrived a life where they do not have to kill to survive, but at the same time, I have taken away their nature as predators, so that they can not survive naturally.
      However, I enjoy their company, and they tolerate mine.
      This reminds me of the picture of the bear in the stream that salmon swim upwards to spawn. The salmon leaps out of the water and right into the bears mouth. The bear does nothing but stands there with his mouth open. Fresh sashimi to go!
Peace and Love,
Marty, Luckylee, Poppyhead, and SissyGirl
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danny.israel
Posted 12/2/2007 11:39 AM (#3082 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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I've had a similar situation. However my cat came to us from the outdoors and was a serious hunter in her prime, often leaving bird beaks, or leaving some part of a rat, or even just bringing us a dead gift.

She's much older now and I thought she lost her spunk, but, she recently saw a mouse outside and her senses shot up and her blood started to boil. She desperately wanted to get outside, and it really made me see the power evolutionary patterns have in us. Anyway I sat there stressing out over what to do for a bit, I didn't want to deny the universe's way and I also didn't want to deny the mouse it's life and give it suffering. It seemed at this point my cat was suffering, but if i relieved her suffering the mouse would suffer, so someone just had to suffer. I looked and looked, trying to spare the mouse's life and eventually when it had stopped running around in front of the door I let my cat out in a sort of, I'm jumping, kind of way. To my delight she didn't find the mouse! haha.
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Omjah
Posted 12/2/2007 2:09 PM (#3083 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


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Thank you for the topic. I have been purposefully perusing the Web for funny videos, cute kittens and babies laughing in an effort to break up my seriousness. I am so bloody serious that I take offense at most jokes and refuse to smile! I was thinking of writing my thesis about humor. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

There is a Yoga style now that is all about laughter. There are many studies which show how beneficial laughter is. Who was it that healed himself of serious illness through humor?

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

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Supernatural3
Posted 12/4/2007 11:21 AM (#3092 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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YES, I too have been forgetting about the needed laughter that does heal us. I am normally a huge goofball and life has been grabbing me pretty hard lately, but it's over all laughing that gets us through the rough stuff.

I got a puppy the other day... it's so cute. We took both sister puppies and to watch them play fight with each other is a riot. It's hilarious to watch the two puppies play.... I try to make it a daily routine to show love, affection and laugh our butts off over silly stuff.

It's what you look back on and say... remember when......... while you're about to pee your pants with laughter.

I will never forget once, i was going on an interview for a job. I was all dressed up in a suit with a skirt and hose. It was a cold icy winter day and i parked my car and went to get out of my car, when my high heel shoes slipped on ice getting out of the car and i slipped and slid under the car. I had to crawl back out, but one of my shoes fell off while i was under there, so i had to crawl back under the car again to reach my missing shoe. I finally got my shoe, put it on and looked down and i now had dirt and runners up and down my hose. NOT GOOD for an interview. LOL It gets worse..... I decided to just go back home and not even go to the interview, that FATE said it's not my time. But then I couldn't find my purse..... the one with my car keys in it. I looked under the car, all over the ground and inside the car to see if i just left it inside. It was nowhere to be found. I had this look of despair on my face when i was approached by a stranger, a good looking young man. I smiled immediately when he said "Are you looking for your purse?" In relief, but very embarrassingly I said... "uh huh" shaking my head yes, while shivering. He said "It's hanging on your car antenna". OMG..... i looked up and sure enough, when i fell out of my car and under it... i threw my purse up in the air, which landed somehow on the antenna. It was a knitted purse, so it latched on easily and dangled. I laughed so hard.... Then i asked the young guy...."Did you see all that?" and he said.... "YEP, wish i would have had a camera. Hilarious."

All i know is... it was one of my most embarrassing moments, but extremely funny. I am sure the guy had plenty to tell his family later on that day and who knows, maybe he still tells the story. I know i do.... I never did show up for the interview. But i was called for a different job teaching gymnastics the next day. I took that job and loved it. Fate has a way with letting you know you not in your right place. LOL

Love and Light... and stay warm.



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Aquarius
Posted 12/5/2007 9:07 AM (#3104 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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LET'S HAVE SOME FUN TOGETHER!

‘Let us all cultivate a sense of humour, so that we treat as amusing those things in humanity which would irritate or annoy. Let us be understanding, feeling with our brethren in their little irritations and annoyances, and turn darkness into light by throwing upon it the wondrous warming beam of humour.’ White Eagle ‘Stella Polaris’ February/March 2007

‘Do not forget we are with you, looking on with great love, sometimes with humour. Oh yes! We have a great sense of humour, you know! – but kindly humour. And we suggest that you too encourage that sense of humour. Keep your eyes twinkling – it will be a great help.’ White Eagle ‘Sayings of the Gentle Brother – Simplicity’

‘If everything goes wrong, just laugh! Just let it have its fling, let it go; but keep your vision upon God and know that all will come right.  All will come right – that is the truth!’ White Eagle ‘The Quiet Mind – Just Laugh!’

‘Life is not solemn.  Life is full of joy and fun; think of life as being eternal, and that you – a tiny spark of that Divine life – are learning to walk a path which is leading you to union with your Heavenly Parents.  This is the goal of your life:  conscious union with that divine love and peace and joy and – yes – fun.  Jesus, when on Earth, also enjoyed fun!’ White Eagle ‘The Source of all our Strength – Enjoy Fun’


WE ARE SURVIVORS

Dedicated to all who were born before 1940

We were born before TV, penicillin, polio shots, frozen food, Zerox, plastic, contact lenses, videos, Frisbees, and the pill. We were there before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams, and ball point pens; dishwashers, tumble driers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip dry clothes, and – just think – before a man walked on the Moon.
We got married first and then lived together! How quaint can you get? We thought fast food was what you ate in Lent; a Big Mac was an over-sized raincoat, and crumpet we had for tea. We existed before house husbands, computer dating, and dual careers; a meaningful relationship meant getting along with cousins; sheltered accommodation was where you waited for a bus. We were there before day care centres, group homes and disposable nappies. We had never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yoghurt, and young men wearing earrings. For us time-sharing meant togetherness; a chip was a piece of wood or fried potato; to us hardware was nuts and bolts, and software was a word that had not been invented.
Before 1940, Made in Japan meant junk; making out referred to how you did in your exams; stud was something that fastened a collar to a shirt; going all the way meant staying on a double-decker bus to the depot; pizzas, McDonalds, and instant coffee were unheard of; cigarette smoking was fashionable; grass was mown; coke was kept in the coal-house; a joint was a piece of meat you had on Sundays; pot was something you cooked in; crack was a small opening or, if you were Irish and having fun, it was spelt craic; rock music was a grandmother’s lullaby; a snort was something a horse did, and L S D meant Pounds, Shillings, and Pence.
Considering how the world has changed and the adjustments we have had to make, those of us born before 1940 must be a hardy bunch! No wonder we are so confused and that there is a generation gap between us and the youngsters of today. But, with the Grace of God: we have survived!

Alleluia!!!

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mruppert
Posted 12/5/2007 11:34 PM (#3110 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hi all and to you H2Orius:
"crack was a small opening or, if you were Irish and having fun, it was spelt craic"
Well, it still is!
     Once again, Aquarius has written something which has touched me, though I am not before the 40's, yet still had none of the things mentioned in the early 50's.
     What is extremely funny, is that there are people who cannot know what Aqaurius spoke of. And, this makes dialog between us somewhat difficult, since there will always be a different point of reference in time, at least the time that we know and measure.
     When I was very young, there was no Mickey Dees. Ray Croc hadn't envisioned serving his first hamburger. We had White Castle and White Tower ( the competitor ). BTW, White Castle survives to this very day, unfortunately the last in this area, just outside of Baltimore, MD, closed some years ago. But, there is a bunch in Ohio, HEY.....Doc.....can you send me some?
     The point is that the brunt of metaphysical knowledge comes from the past, and we cannot forget or neglect that. There is nothing that people contrive or think that has not all ready been thought of, not even quantum theories of physics or even healing.
      Read your Paracelsus and his contemporaries, and way further back than him and his brethern. It is ALL there!
      True, they could not make an MP3 player, but they could (and did) turn base elements into gold; and were able to recognize the "philosophers stone". And, they could concoct the elixer of life.
       The joke is on us, in that we are slaves to technology, hoping that technology will provide us with salvation. Yes, we are "slaves" to it. Please dispute this point if you care to do so.
        So......a priest, a rebbi and Bill Gates walk into a bar,
        The bartender says.....what does he really say??????????

Spiritual Love and Wellness to all,
Marty and Wormwoodian Cats, from Absinthia
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Aquarius
Posted 12/6/2007 8:44 AM (#3111 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Dear Marty – having lived for four years in Ireland, I am very much aware that fun in Irish is still spelled ‘craic’ and always will be; sorry it didn’t come across that way. The article was not written by me and the bit about ‘craic’ was inserted for the benefit of my friends in other parts of the English speaking world, who are unfamiliar with this word.

Here is another item from my collection that is connected with the Jewish theme you are raising.

 

SPIRITUAL HUMOUR

1.     If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

2.     Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

3.     Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip – joy. With the second – satisfaction. With the third – peace. With the fourth – a chocolate biscuit.

4.     Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

5.     Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

6.     The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single ‘Oy!’

7.     The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

8.     Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

9.     Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

10. Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

11. To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

12. Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

13. The Torah says, ‘Love thy neighbour as thyself.’ The Buddha says there is no ‘self.’ So, maybe you are off the hook.

 

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Tracy Martin
Posted 12/6/2007 3:31 PM (#3113 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Thanks Aquarius! Sharing these with everyone in the office at UMS!
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cause
Posted 12/6/2007 10:16 PM (#3117 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A Buddhist monk walked up to a hot dog stand.
The vendor said, "what will you have."
The monk said, "make me one with everything!"
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cause
Posted 12/6/2007 10:26 PM (#3118 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A toaster spoke to a genius saying, "If God is infinite."
"Yes," said the genius.
"And the universe is also infinite."
"Yes."
"Would you like a piece of toast?"
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cause
Posted 12/6/2007 10:41 PM (#3119 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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"God is dead," said Nietzche.
"Nietzche is dead," said God.
My question is this, "Are they in heaven arguing the point?"

With apologies for the borrowing of material.
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Aquarius
Posted 12/8/2007 8:19 AM (#3129 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Bless you, Tracy - hope you'll enjoy the following, too. And to you, cause - they're probably discussing the matter to this day! With love – Aquarius

GOD VERSUS THE DARWINIANS

One day, a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one of them to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The Darwinian walked up to God and said: ‘God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We have reached the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost?’

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. When the Darwinian had finished talking, God said, ‘Very well, how about this? Let us now have a man-making contest.’ Happily, the Darwinian agreed and God added: ‘Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the olden days with Adam.’ The Darwinian replied: ‘Sure, no problem.’ He bent down to grab a handful of dirt, but God just looked at him and shook his head: ‘No, no, no; you go and make your own dirt!’ 

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mruppert
Posted 12/9/2007 2:14 AM (#3139 - in reply to #3111)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hi Aquiiiii...
     I did not mean to offend anyones understanding of what the Irish kids do. I would have thought that the Brits would know this, but I have found, and again no offense, that the Brits don't know a lot of stuff.
     For us, in the Statesal, (Bristollian inflection) craic is crack. Definitely not what young Siobhan or Seamus are intending to do in the ROI. But, for Bobby and Ashley, or his side squeeze, Britanny, crack is full well what they intend to do.
      Cynicism or reality......ask little Britanny!
Peace, and love to all space fans, where ever,
Marty and Didactic Cats, Lucky, Poppy and Sissy
P.S. For those non Brits, ROI is the Republic of Ireland, as opposed to northern Ireland, still under the control of the Brits. Give it back to them, it is their country!!!!
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Danjummai
Posted 12/9/2007 2:51 PM (#3143 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A leprose person had a donkey and a hut. One day thunder stroke and razed down the poor man's hut while he was spared. He was seated in the fateful night while the rain kept pouring down blocking and washing down his agonizing tears. Suddenly there was lightening and the poor man's anger was voiced thus: "light more your flood lights to see clearly. I am Magaji the leprose whom you killed his donkey and he kept quiet and now you've destroyed the only home that he's got!!!

lol.

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Aquarius
Posted 12/10/2007 8:08 AM (#3147 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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‘For those non Brits, ROI is the Republic of Ireland, as opposed to northern Ireland, still under the control of the Brits. Give it back to them, it is their country!!!!’

That’s where I spent my time in Ireland, six months in Co. Clare and the rest of it in Co. Galway. Whether you believe this or not, Marty, my general impression was that nobody in the South really cares any longer whether the North ever joins it; it seems to have become somewhat of a liability over time. By the way, not having been reared in Britain, though I am a Briton by choice and adoption now, I have never been indoctrinated with any of its prejudices and false beliefs about Ireland and the Irish. My impression of them was and still is that they are a very smart lot, funny and always ready for a good bit of fun. Whether anyone calls it ‘craic’ or not, it’s all the same to them. They are a warm and welcoming people, spiritually very open-minded and mature. Even with the farmer standing at the gates of his farm in the deepest recesses of Ireland, for example in Co. Clare, one can have the most wonderful discussions about the Universe and God. With love – Aquarius

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Danjummai
Posted 12/19/2007 9:43 AM (#3261 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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The Fulani tribe is known to be the cow boys of Africa. One was said to have fallen into a desperate situation and an other in explaining to him to bear the situation and have faith said: "God has many ways." "Has he as many as the finishing net?" the pained Fulani man asked. 
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Aquarius
Posted 12/19/2007 1:32 PM (#3263 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A Minister has just passed on, and is standing in line waiting to be judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. The man says: ‘I am a taxi driver from New York City’.
An Angel stands at the gate and calls out: ‘Next’. The taxi driver steps forward and the Angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses, and wine, then lets him pass. Very pleased, the taxi driver is quite pleased and proceeds through the gates.
And the Angel shouts: ‘Next!’ The Minister proudly steps up to the gate, but the Angel hands him a wooden staff, some bread and some water. Very concerned, because he believes there’s got to be some mistake here, he turns to the Angel: ‘That guy is a taxi driver; he gets a golden staff and a cornucopia, when I, who spent most of this lifetime as a Minister gets nothing! How can that be?’
‘Ah!’ says the Angel, ‘up here we judge on results – all your people ever do during your sermons is sleep, but in his taxi, they pray!’

One question please: are they really as bad as all that? With love - Aquarius

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Danjummai
Posted 12/31/2007 2:19 PM (#3348 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A devot was opportuned to pilgrimage and when at the holiest place seeks holy intervention for his mountains of worries top most that of mamon. He raised his palms up to God and said: "God, Thou knowest all." And as he turned to go, knowing that he has said his mind, he remembered and quickly went down and chirped in thus: "God, don't forget money!"

*Happy New Year

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Aquarius
Posted 1/1/2008 9:17 AM (#3356 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Bless you, Danjummai - it's a good one.

Happy New Year 2008 to you and everybody else who visits this Message Board.

A special blessing to those who make it possible for us to have this wonderful bridge that links like-minded soul from all over the world. Much happiness to you all, each one.

With love and light,

Aquarius

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Danjummai
Posted 1/17/2008 7:29 AM (#3480 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Bless you Aqs...

Here is another:

A pious clergy went for pilgrimage and at the door of God, was overtaken by sleep. In his sleep the clergy man overheard some angels recounting the overall performance of that year's pilgrims. "None passed among all that came except one who is not here," one of the angels was saying and the other asked who the person was and where to locate him on earth. He was told and the clergy having heard the wonder of his life went searcing for nonentity that passed the test of God with his absence from where the deeds are done. The man when asked by the clergy on why he didn't make it to the pilgrimage answered: "I was hungry one day I went to my neighbour and found him serving meat of dead donkey to his family due to poverty and I donated to him all I saved to visit the House of God for the pilgrimage."

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mruppert
Posted 1/19/2008 2:34 AM (#3491 - in reply to #3263)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hi all and in answer to Ackwa:
    No, they are not as bad as that, they are sublimely better; and sometimes far worse. I got from downtown Manhatten (which is considered to be New York City by those who are not from the area, to JFK Airport in 25 minutes, through heavy traffic. It was a hair raising ride. We drove on several sidewalks. My driver, who was from Puerto Rico, swore in so many languages, that I lost track of what he was saying. I made my plane. I gave him a $20 USD tip, and he blessed me, my mother and father, and all my offspring from then on until eternity.
     My worst cab ride was in Washington, DC to Dulles Airport, which is in Virginia. There was a big hole in the floor of the cab, which let in fumes from the exhaust. The cabdriver kept banging his head on the steering wheel, why? I dunno, except to try to stay awake and not be asphyxiated. Anyway, we got from 18th and M St. NW, in DC to Dulles International Airport in 35 minutes flat. A remarkable feat....he also got a very large tip.
     My plane to San Jose, California was delayed, so all was for naught. BUT, after my week's stay in Santa Clara, just outside of San Jose, my class was over and I had to go back home to the East Coast. The San Jose cabbies were very easy going and calm, as are most Californians. I got to the airport in plenty of time for my 9:00 am flight, but, alas, there was no plane to fly us to Midway, Chicago, Illinois, as there was a massive snowstorm in Chicago and the alternative place for a plane to get us, Denver, Colorado. Soooo....I went to the "lounge" to have a Bloody Mary, which I always try to do since I am a "nervous" flier when it comes to jets. I can fly in small planes all day long, like Piper Pups or Aero-Chiefs, but when it comes to jets, I freak out.
     Anyway, there is this group of Human Resource managers in the lounge, who are also delayed, as they have to go to Midway or O'Hare Chicago. They are pretty "toasted" by this time as they were expecting to fly out at 7:30 am. So, they invite me into their group and we commence to have a lot of Bloody Marys.
     Now, I haven't heard any updates on the tanoy (loudspeaker system) at San Jose Airport concerning my flight. So, I thought I better go and check with the "gate" attendant to see what the status is. (San Jose is a very small airport, and it barely lands jets...there are no things that international travelers know as amenities....you walk across the tarmac and climb into the plane). Well, there is no one at the gate except the stew...and she says  "Can I help you?" and I say "I am supposed to be on the plane leaving from this gate to Midway, Chicago" and she says "Oh s*^t" and runs out on the tarmac and says "Hey, Buddy, don't release the stairs, this guy has got to get on the plane!" Then, she turns to me and says "Run, Run, Run" and so I do!!!!!!! And, I huff and puff to the stairs and get into the plane that is obviously ready to taxi and take-off!!!!!!!!!!!!! I made it! I am golden! BUT NO!
    I transfer in Chicago to my flight to Friendship Airport, now known as BWI (Baltimore Washington International) and we fly across blue skies  into one of the worst rain/snow storms in the history of Baltimore.  The pilot announces that he may be redirected to  Dulles, which was a bummer. But, then he says that the tower has cleared him to "attempt" to land. I am in the emergency door seat, and my seatmate, a woman, pulls the card out and starts to review the emergency landing procedures. Now, I have had about thirtyfive Bloody Marys, two airline meals, eight bags of assorted nuts and two Brandies. The stew says to me, in particular, "would you like anything else, because the light is going to go on soon" and I say "yeah, one more brandy" and she says "will you know how to operate the door" and IT STRUCK ME THEN....(I think you all know what thought struck me) and I said "just bring me the brandy and I will open that damn door like my life depends upon that as my greatest accomplishment, not only will I open it, but I will do it with grace, dignity and aplomb. AND my seat mate gave me a long, penetrating stare.
     We made one, and only one, approach at BWI terra firma....we bounced up and down and swiftly tore sideways and then back...and we clunked hard on the ground and bounced up and clunked hard again, except this time with the screech of tires on pavement. When we came to a rest, we all burst out in spontaneous clapping.
     What makes this funny is that I will fly in helicopters and small planes with no fear, but I, to this day, cannot get on a big jet, without the support of several Bloody Marys.
Peace and Luv,
Marty and Landlubber cats, Luck, Popp, and Sis
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Aquarius
Posted 1/20/2008 7:52 AM (#3496 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Thank you, Marty! I am glad to hear that the New York taxi drivers aren’t as bad as they are sometimes made out to be. On all my travels I have not found one single time that any of the clichés that are going around, about this, that and the other nation, was based in facts. Where do these tales come from? Who invents them? Maybe just to have something to talk about? If so, why should it be so difficult to think of something good to say about people, nations and their countries? With love - Aquarius

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mruppert
Posted 1/21/2008 12:23 AM (#3497 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hello my dear Waterbearer:
     The Indonesians have what are known as "shadow plays." Ornately dressed and decorated puppets are shown to the crowd as images on a screen through a rear projection of light and appear to the crowd as shadows. The crowd cannot see the brilliance and ornateness of the puppets, unless one or more are truly "enlightened"; for, then, the screen makes no difference. Those special few can "see" through the screen and see the brilliance of color and light. It is termed as the "shadow world"; but, as the puppetmasters say, the world that we live in is the shadow, the world behind the screen is the true world.
     It is entirely up to us to penetrate the veil, and see things as they really are.
Peace n' love,
Marty and Lucky, Poppyhead, and Sissygirl....who, by the way, is almost profoundly blind....she can't see a thing, clearly...I got her as an unwanted 8 yo cat, and the owners never had any idea that she was blind, they just said that she "acts" strangely....well, of course she does, as she can't see. I KNEW right away that she had a severe visual problem....I just simply looked into her eyes.
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Aquarius
Posted 1/21/2008 7:58 AM (#3498 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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How wise you are, dear Marty, and also how kind, to pussycats at least. When you looked into her eyes, I bet you could see the suffering of our soul behind them. That's why you took her in. With love - Aquarius 
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Danjummai
Posted 8/12/2008 8:03 AM (#9033 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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A young lady was ruminating about Paradise and its unlimited bliss when suddenly asked by her devote mum the first thing that she will request for on admission therein, "Champaign and a Pack of cigarette of course!" She said to the chagrin of her devote mum.

Edited by Danjummai 8/12/2008 8:06 AM
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/12/2008 8:26 AM (#9035 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oops, responded to this, thinking it was a new thrad, then saw it went back and by mistake I posted in response to the first post on it ! Sorry 'bout that - I have amended my post slightly, but then got even more confused, and have left it as it is. Goodness me, state I am in !

Metaphysical humour sounds good; lighten the tone; invoke the God of Games, Lord of the Dance ... did you see the 'Heaven' poem ? 'Here hangs no sign forbidding cakes or ale' ...

... as for the story that started this thread though, cats often don't kill to eat nowadays, not domesticated ones - they are just keeping their hand in, or paw in, so to speak ...

... but please, not back to the dreaded UMS Board cat debates !!!! Aargh !

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

by T.S. Eliot

Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air -
But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Mcavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.
And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,
Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair -
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty's gone astray,
Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - Mcavity's not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
`It must have been Macavity!' - but he's a mile away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!


http://www.themediadrome.com/content/poetry/macavity.htm


Edited by Paul Joseph 8/12/2008 8:30 AM
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sunflower
Posted 8/12/2008 12:12 PM (#9044 - in reply to #9035)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


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haha!paul,you make me laugh just being you,stay as you are,sometimes i don,t understand your words,so i just ignore them(haha)and answer the easy parts.love,irisx
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/12/2008 1:24 PM (#9049 - in reply to #9044)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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& thanks for being You Too, Sunnybeampetal x
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 11:57 AM (#9082 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Druid mathematician?

Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that isn't there.
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/13/2008 2:12 PM (#9094 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Hahahaha! I have shared that one with everyone in the office, Lori!
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 2:49 PM (#9095 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Yay! I hope everyone got a chuckle out of it, I sure did! Thanks for sharing it!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/13/2008 2:49 PM (#9096 - in reply to #9082)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh Holy Lori - that is too clever for me - is that the same tree that is falling in the forest and is or is not making a sound if no one hears it, and indeed, is or is not falling if no one (or two, or three, if gathered in Thy name) sees it ?
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 2:51 PM (#9097 - in reply to #9096)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh you little rascal, P- you snuck in your post right before mine...uh..er..yup! That's exactly the tree that is referred to here!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/13/2008 3:47 PM (#9110 - in reply to #9097)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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I seem to be blessed, one way or another, with that strange thing called, timing ... but it is completely outside of my conscious control (can be good or bad!) - blessings - great joke though xx
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instinctual
Posted 8/13/2008 6:50 PM (#9123 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Glad you enjoyed it..I have a book of them! Maybe I will share one every week or so, just for giggles..

Thank you Danjummai, for this thread!
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Danjummai
Posted 8/15/2008 4:38 PM (#9257 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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It is a pleasure. Allow me add another one, not that of Cats this time but that of Pigs! It was said to have emanated from a Buddhist source in which was said a savior encountered the Superior Being when He was about to destroy the world for its Sinfulness and thereby pleaded with Him to give him a chance to do his work. He was emphatically told that no one will believe but for his persistence was asked to go see whether he could save a single soul or an animal at least. He went, tried and failed. On his way back he found a pig wallowing in the mud. Aha, at last he’s found one that will believe. He went to the pig and gave him the glad tiding of Paradise so clean, the pig will live happily everafter. I thought so! The Pig said. But let me tell you, Hell for me is any place where there is no filth and worms as you see me have!

 

* Apologies for the armature manner of my presentation. No plagiarism meant!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/15/2008 5:12 PM (#9260 - in reply to #9257)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Dear Danjummai - a joke for Jaxemma methinks !
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jaxemma
Posted 8/16/2008 11:43 AM (#9309 - in reply to #9260)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Pigs are nice lol!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/16/2008 2:49 PM (#9323 - in reply to #9309)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Absolutely Jax; I think sausages should be outlawed x
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 11:53 AM (#9384 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, 'I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.' The waitress replies, 'I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?'
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:04 PM (#9390 - in reply to #9384)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Takes thinking about that one - cleverly funny - ... how about this Sartre joke (seen in a graffiti in public toilet years' back):

Marx: To do is to be

Sartre: To be is to do

Sinatra: Do be do be doo
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 12:06 PM (#9393 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh Man that had me giggling out loud ahahaha!!

Gonna have to plagiarize that one!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:10 PM (#9397 - in reply to #9393)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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So long as you credit it to graffiti in an Islington public house c. 1980 ! Ha ha ..

gotta get on with dinner else it'll be 'no chicken' tonight !!

lovely to commune xxx
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instinctual
Posted 8/19/2008 12:14 PM (#9398 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Bock Bock says the chicken! Goodnight says Lori!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/19/2008 12:52 PM (#9400 - in reply to #9398)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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a bastin' break bijou, bayou, By George !! night now
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John W. Kelly
Posted 8/20/2008 11:42 AM (#9420 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


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The philosophy professor was asked whether the elevator was going up or down. After a bit of thought, the professor replied "yes!"
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 12:17 PM (#9421 - in reply to #9420)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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But does it go up and down if there is nobody in it ?
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Supernatural3
Posted 8/20/2008 12:43 PM (#9423 - in reply to #9421)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Paul Joseph - 8/20/2008 12:17 PMBut does it go up and down if there is nobody in it ?


The answer is NO. As unless you experience it, it does not exist at all to you.  This may be different to one who does experience it.

LOL




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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 12:54 PM (#9424 - in reply to #9423)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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But didn't you think my crossover joke from the tree that falls in the forest and no-one hears it ... so does it make a sound ... to the elevator going up and down .. was at least quite a neat transfer ?!

ho hum

back to the woods x
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/20/2008 1:01 PM (#9427 - in reply to #9424)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Does the elevator go up when Paul is in the woods?
Does the elevator go down when the tree goes down?
Can the leaves press the up button or do they just go down?
Where is Piglet? Had he gotten out of the Ocean?
I am so confused. Hahahahahahahahhahahahahha!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 1:37 PM (#9430 - in reply to #9427)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Drifting in the lift
[which is what we call the elevator in the UK]

I lost the gift of the gab
[which is what we call charming chatter in the UK)

Piglet's round the bend
[which is what we call odd in the UK]

If I press send
your confusion might End
[exit pursued by a bear]


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Rose
Posted 8/20/2008 2:10 PM (#9432 - in reply to #9427)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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This made me smile Tracy!
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instinctual
Posted 8/20/2008 2:12 PM (#9433 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh My GOD-ess! ahahahaaaaa I think we all ate silly string! Does anybody remember silly string?
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/20/2008 2:12 PM (#9434 - in reply to #9432)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Ah dear Rose ... then do leaves fall, or does the Earth rise .... ?

& Owls bloom x
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/20/2008 2:40 PM (#9439 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Light! I understand! 
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searching
Posted 8/20/2008 8:35 PM (#9457 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6 When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7 When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off.
9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth.
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/20/2008 8:58 PM (#9458 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh! Forgive me! I am giggling so hard I'm peeing my pants, and silly strings are coming out of my nose!

(Mom of two grown boys. I'm around the bend!)
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/20/2008 9:01 PM (#9459 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Jerry and Mr. Muppet! Hi!
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Kiddo Green
Posted 8/21/2008 12:10 AM (#9471 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour


OK this is fun. I have nothing to contribute, but pure enjoyment. Let me get warmed up...it must be natural quips and stories...

Good eve' to all my friends!

Ever Loving Kiddo...
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/21/2008 12:30 PM (#9529 - in reply to #9471)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Is silly string that stuff in the string theory of quantum physics that ties worm holes together and stops them disappearing down each other ?!

Here's another (actual quote from Ghandi, I believe, but funny

When asked what he thought of Western Civilization, Gandhi replied, 'that would be a very good idea' .

And there is that old one, cited already at least twice, relevantly on and to the Board perhaps (!), but awhile back (once by Chothuni, once by me, but so long ago may be worth repeating

'Britain and the USA are two nations separated by the same language' (possibly Churchill, possibly George Bernard Shaw, possibly someone else !)
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instinctual
Posted 8/21/2008 12:37 PM (#9533 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Ha! I have a feeling you jest with me, dear friend...about silly string..! It is that stuff that comes in neon colors that you spray out of a can and it comes out in like a rubbery string..and you spray it all over each other! Ghandi's quote is very funny!!
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instinctual
Posted 8/21/2008 12:39 PM (#9535 - in reply to #9533)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Descartes sat drinking in a tavern late one night. The bartender approached. "Last call, Rene. Do you want another one?"
"I think not," said the philosopher, whereupon he immediately disappeared.
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/21/2008 12:42 PM (#9537 - in reply to #9533)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Shucks (as you say over there in the New World Colonies), I was indeed joking about the string ... though that silly string did pass me by as to what it actually was ! Don;t think I ever encountered it growing up. Not that I've growed up either !!

Glad you liked the Gandhi x
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/22/2008 10:33 AM (#9583 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

(Author Unknown)
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/22/2008 10:34 AM (#9584 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, There is no self.
So, maybe we're off the hook.

(Author Unknown)
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 10:49 AM (#9586 - in reply to #9584)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Ah ha ! and equally, do not do something to someone else you might not want them to do to you !!

Great jokes everyone, sharp stuff there Tracy, thought I was going to cut myself on the razor wit !!

And Lori, you sneaked another one in in-between my reply .... !

Anyone hear the blues-singers last blues song -

"I didn't wake up this morning" ?!
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Tracy Martin
Posted 8/22/2008 10:54 AM (#9588 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Ha! Last song!

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
(Author Unknown)

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 10:58 AM (#9590 - in reply to #9588)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Search me - I have No Mind to argue !
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 10:58 AM (#9591 - in reply to #9588)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Search me Tracy- I have No Mind to argue !
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 10:59 AM (#9592 - in reply to #9588)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Search me Tracy- I have No Mind to argue !
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 11:00 AM (#9593 - in reply to #9592)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Do three No Minds mean that there are two or three of us gathered together ?
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instinctual
Posted 8/22/2008 1:29 PM (#9613 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Whoa. Trying to wrap my round head around this.. gotta giggle about the arthritis ahahahahaaaa!

Paul, the answer to your question lies in a simple, er, algebraic formula.

When I find out what that formula is, I will have my agent contact your agent and we will be rich! Then again..we are rich!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 1:35 PM (#9615 - in reply to #9613)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Lori - not sure if you spotted my Biblical reference here ... ?!

(sorry, you may have, just but checking !!)

Edited by Paul Joseph 8/22/2008 1:39 PM
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instinctual
Posted 8/22/2008 1:43 PM (#9620 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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NO, I didn't..but I do now!( " In his name "??) It must be my relatively low IQ compared to Mensa standards!

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 1:46 PM (#9622 - in reply to #9620)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Phew, thanks - yes that's the One !

Sorry, my opacity grows worse ... and its me, not you ... forget the Mensa thing ... I've no idea what my IQ is and no intention of finding out - I've enough to be anxious about without proving how well or otherwise I might or might do at tests !
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instinctual
Posted 8/22/2008 1:49 PM (#9624 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Yeah I hear ya, I guess I am just having some fun at Marty's expense ( see danny's thread.."A little favor"...)

I hope you are not too lost in space...I pray you have an umbilical cord grounding you to something earthly!....by the way!

That reminds me of that old TV show..Lost In Space...I am such a scardy cat..even that silly little show frightened me!

Sheesh!
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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/22/2008 1:50 PM (#9625 - in reply to #9624)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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I'd seen that thread/post, hence my comment !

I did wonder if my location was too near to the TV name .. better find another one ...
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instinctual
Posted 8/22/2008 5:31 PM (#9634 - in reply to #3078)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Oh, I liked it! I also dig who knows nowhere! As long as you are with us in this vast nowhere, I among others will remain quite blessed..P

***Warning: The following is a completely tasteless and possibly offensive joke. But it's really funny!***
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
v










Question: What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Answer: Popeye almost killed him.

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Paul Joseph
Posted 8/23/2008 9:32 AM (#9653 - in reply to #9634)
Subject: RE: Metaphysical Humour



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Location: United Kingdom
Oops - location changed again ....

Groucho Marx was always very spot on psychological truths with his humour (aided no doubt by his scriptwriters ..) ... here's one that always amuses me

Groucho: "I would never be a member of any club that would accept me as a member"

Popeye clearly hadn't had a Mass of spinach that day .. or was it a rhythm thing ? (sorry - bit near the knuckle maybe !)

Edited by Paul Joseph 8/23/2008 9:34 AM
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