Men & Women
Have you ever noticed that men and women are different? Not only
do they look different, they are different inside as well. In reading
the book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, by Dr. Daniel
Amen, I discovered what some of those differences are.
In his book Dr. Amen says that the brains of men and women are measurably
different, particularly the area called the limbic brain. The limbic
brain is the part of the brain that feels emotion. It is also where
we store highly charged emotional memories, tagging some memories
as unimportant, and therefore they are easily forgotten. Because
of these emotionally charged memories, the limbic brain then filters
external events through internal states, creating what is called
emotional coloring. This sets the emotional tone of the mind.
Negative emotionally charged memories produce unpleasant feelings
like fear, anxiety, hopelessness, rage, despair, hurt, and shame.
If there are not enough positive memories to offset the negative,
the person who holds them will become depressed.
Our emotional tone also effects our motivation to succeed, our ability
to bond, and our libido. When someone has an orgasm, the limbic
brain has a mini seizure, which tends to lessen deep limbic activity.
Since depression is created by an overactive limbic brain, lessening
its activity, or "cooling it down," as Dr. Amen says,
creates emotional stability.
Not only is a woman's limbic brain measurably larger than a man's,
it is the only area of the brain that is filled with numerous receptorcytes
for estrogen. Estrogen, as you know, is the female hormone that
makes women into women, giving them breasts and the ability to bear
children. Unfortunately, having receptorcytes for estrogen in the
limbic brain also means that women can experience emotional turmoil
at the onset of puberty, during their monthly cycle (called PMS),
and also during menopause.
In addition, according to Dr. Amen, it is a scientifically proven
fact that women have many more neural connectors between their limbic
brain and the prefrontal cortex than men do. The prefrontal cortex
is commonly called the thinking brain. It is the area of the brain
that causes us to think critically about our lives, to figure things
out, follow through, per-severe, control our impulses, learn from
our experiences, ex-press our emotions, and create empathy for those
who are less fortunate. What this means is that women are emotionally
wired to think about how they feel in a way that men aren't. Because
men are not wired this way, they don't tend to be as bothered by
their emotions. With women, being emotional happens automatically
whether they want to be or not.
There is one additional fact that I think is worth mentioning when
it comes to the differences between men and women. Though I don't
have the statistics in front of me, I've heard it said that women
have more nerve endings in their skin than men do. This means that
they are much more sensitive to touch than a guy is. According to
numerous sources on the internet, women are also more sexually sensitive,
having twice as many nerve endings in the vulva than a man does
in the same area of the body. Being emotionally wired and physically
and sexually sensitive causes a woman to be a very different creature
than a man.
A man's main complaint about a woman is that she is illogical and
irrational, which she finds insulting. The fact of the matter is
that they are both correct, and although there are many exceptions
to the rule, this general principle still holds.
How is it that you become an exception to the rule? By choosing
to recognize your weaknesses and consciously, with concerted effort,
improve upon them. In general, what I have described are polarities.
The more conscious one becomes the more they tend to move toward
Like many women in their fifties I've had numerous relationships
with members of the opposite sex, many of which have failed. In
my quest for understanding, I've finally come to realize that if
I am going to generate and sustain a committed loving relationship
with a man, I have to stop being so emotional and see a bigger picture.
On my spiritual journey, I did intense inner work. During that time
I was celibate, realizing that another relation-ship would be counterproductive
to my healing. In order to heal one must temporarily focus most
of the attention on the self. By changing my negative programming,
learning to look on the bright side, and with a lot of help from
my unseen friends who were creating miracles when appropriate, I
was eventually able to deactivate my overactive limbic brain. When
I did, my whole life changed.
Have you ever tried to sit in silence and meditate, clearing your
mind of thought? If you have, you know how difficult this is to
do. That is because your brain is doing the thinking. You really
don't have much to do with it. The nature of the brain is to think,
and when there are parts of it that are overactive, those parts
take over whether you want them to or not. The reason why one meditates
to quiet the mind is to deactivate the over-active parts of the
brain so that a higher (or deeper) part of you can become the decision
After I worked with and gained more understanding about my limbic
brain structure, I got into another long-term loving relationship
with a member of the opposite sex. I was still ignorant of the deeper
biological differences between the two of us, however. In time,
our biology gave us problems. I wanted him to be more emotionally
sensitive to my needs. He wanted me to take care of my own needs
and not expect him to change or do anything to accommodate me. Sound
familiar? Isn't this the age-old problem that has always existed
between the sexes? I biologically longed for greater emotional connection
while he longed to remain separate and independent. He knew he could
never fully please what he considered to be my "illogical"
Back to the drawing board, I began to do more inner work. I looked
at how past programming, especially related to the "prince
charming" scenario that many women long for, emotionally colored
our interactions. I felt angry that he wouldn't be my prince charming.
Eventually, I figured out that I never even knew my partner. Rather,
I had (with his help) fabricated an image, and then became angry
when he didn't live up to it. I asked myself if I could love the
person he was without needing or wanting him to change. This meant
that my fantasy life, which contained the ideal but unrealistic
man, had to die.
Letting that fantasy go was emotionally painful for it was such
a sweet version of reality. Yet another part of my mind, the logical
me who was being born, realized that if I didn't let it go I would
never be happy. Constantly being disappointed in love, I would search
endlessly for a man that doesn't exist except that is, during courtship.
Here is the part that men might want to look at. While courting
a woman, a man is motivated to please her. He attends her emotional
needs and does the things she wants him to do. Feeling loved, perhaps
for the first time in her life, especially if she had an unpleasant
childhood or unpleasant past relationships, she will fall head over
heels in love with him, becoming deeply limbically bonded.
When he stops being emotionally sensitive to her needs, which to
him are illogical and unrealistic, she gets angry and feels betrayed.
It is then that conflict erupts between him and her, creating the
sense of separation that everyone is so familiar with.
I have long known that being physical is a method of evolution.
Here we evolve from a less mature, conscious state to a more mature,
conscious state. When we become more mature and conscious we use
our strengths to improve our weaknesses. Becoming conscious is a
long process. One reason why is because, at first, most of us don't
even know what our weaknesses are. After we know what they are,
we then have to figure out how to improve them.
When we incarnated into our physical bodies, we limited our perceptions
only to that which were consistent with our biological make-up.
We didn't know what we couldn't know. In order to find out, we have
to build a bridge of communication, and talk to each other about
our differences. Both men and women have biologically based strong
points and weak points. By becoming conscious of our weaknesses,
we have the opportunity to change them. Only then will we create
loving relationships. They may not be ideal, but they will be real,
and maybe that will be good enough.
Love is a choice and a decision you make to behave in a loving way,
even when you don't feel like it. When a man chooses to be emotionally
sensitive to his partner's needs, even when they seem illogical,
and a woman chooses to accept her partner the way he is without
needing to change him, the choice to love has been made. If you
think this sounds like a paradox, it is. No one ever said that learning
how to love would be easy. Certainly, learning to be whole and share
real love takes an advanced set of skills that are well worth cultivating.
Susan Vaughn regularly holds
classes in The Art Of Conscious Evolution and has written courses
Visit the Christine Breese website to read articles on consciousness and awakening, visit University of Metaphysical Sciences Video Satsangs to see talks on spiritual subjects. Read articles on Wisdom of the Heart Church. Visit Starlight Journal for blogs, newsletter, and forums on spiritual subjects. Visit Christine Breese's Metaphysical Sciences youtube channel to view free video satsangs.